Wood & Coal--Back In Vogue

Environmentalists have been very happy lately because rising gas prices have meant less cars on the road and more conservation. Yay momma Gaea! I'd like to be the first to wreck their happiness, by telling the filthy tree huggers, rising gas prices has led to an increase in the average Joe six-pack raping momma Gaea. Yay earth rapists!

More area residents will be heating their homes with wood pellets, coal and fireplaces next winter than anytime in the recent past, as they seek alternatives to skyrocketing fuel oil and natural gas costs.

Sales of pellet stoves and related equipment nationwide is estimated to have increased more than 50 percent in the first half of 2008, according to one industry source.

The cost for a home totally heated by pellets and using three tons of wood pellets per season is expected to be in the vicinity of $750 to $1,000 this winter, she said.

An Attleboro area home using 500 gallons of fuel oil that cost $1,275 to heat last year with fuel at $2.55 per gallon could well cost its owner $2,170 this year at the current average price of $4.34.

Either by hook or by crook, I will not live in a world where I can't rape its natural resources.

When faced with financial ruin, people will explore any avenue to cut their costs. If this means burning coal, so be it. If this means chopping down a few trees, so be it. If this means filling up their stoves with the eyeballs of puppy dogs, so be it. Sure, the environment is important to people, but do you know what is far more important? Not dying of starvation. And that's where environmentalism ends with most people. If you're making money hand over fist, then sure, you don't mind shelling out a few nickles for the environment. However, if the choice is between steak or giving away hard earned loot to some jackass who wears a jean jacket with a stupid button with an even dumber slogan about the environment on the stupid button, well, the environment can burn to the ground for all the average schmuck cares. I know this to be true, for I am a schmuck like you. Schmuck.

It's a disco inferno