Come Get Your Free Crap

How are you feeling? I've heard that you haven't been doing so well lately, that's too bad. What seems to be wrong? You have aches and pains in your bones and joints? I think I know why: You're old and slightly decrepit. I think I may be able to offer a little relief to you.

For a limited time only, while supplies last, you can get your free sample Of Odour Free Deep Therapy Pain Relief Patch MYOFLEX. Simply fill out a few minor details, and about 4-6 weeks you will have a trial size Myoflex pain patch.

Sure, it's quite possible the pain you have may be in your head. Hell, the pain you have may be sleeping next to you, I don't know and I sure as hell don't want to know. My point is, if you have actual physical pain, then why not take the 1 minute to fill out a few shitty details and have this product delivered right to your mailbox? What do you have to lose? Certainly not your virginity, you haven't had that since the time it felt funny sliding down a pole. And you know EXACTLY what I mean, don't you? Pervert.

Anyway, don't mention it, I'm here to help.