All Your Rubbish Are Belong To Us

Councilors from the town of Plymouth, England, have sent out a wheeled-bin information form, that if not filled out and obeyed to the letter, will result in fines and other fun stuff:

Families will be forced to name somebody to be in charge of their rubbish under a council's 'zero tolerance' approach to bin collections.

The named individual faces £100 fines and a criminal record if their household then puts the wrong rubbish in its wheelie bins, puts them out too soon, or puts them in the wrong place.

They will also be told to give officials a breakdown of everyone who lives in their home, together with intimate information including details of medical conditions.

They will even be asked to number babies and toddlers who use disposable nappies.

Letters and forms - which threaten fines for those who fail to comply - have been developed to enforce strict recycling rules and make families and individuals obey instructions on how to put out their bins.

The demands, to be sent to homes in Tory-run Plymouth, call for the name of an adult, their age, and a signature.

Those signing are told they must 'ensure that your household conforms to our requirements'.

Attention Englanders: Resistance is futile, you are to do as you are told. Put your fingernail clippings in the purple box. Put your discarded food in the yellow box and put your cardboard in the blue box. Take those three boxes and combine them with the other four coloured boxes while separating the dark coloured boxes from the light coloured boxes. White is technically not a colour, so you are to throw nothing into that box. Just leave the white box until every fourth Wednesday following a full moon, then take the white box and bring it to the curb and turn it upside down. Keep in mind that the white box can only sit to the right of the grey box if you send in a 3D456A form in triplicate, stamped twice by the Receiver General, and gently placed on the mahogany desk next to a woman named Gracie. You can't miss her, she has her skirt hiked up to her throat and she's not wearing underwear.

Failure to abide by these rules will result in imprisonment and possibly death

England, you were once soooo great...