Study Links Teen Girls' Status To Weight Gain

A recently released study, shows that the lower teenagers feel they are on their school's social ladder, the fatter they become in later life (that's not exactly how they worded it, but it's close enough). Here is the question that was posed to the teenager's in order to gain that information:

"At the top of the ladder are the people in your school with the most respect and the highest standing. At the bottom are the people who no one respects and no one wants to hang around with. Where would you place yourself on the ladder?"

I'm not sure this study is telling us anything we don't know. I've never heard of one school in the universe where the most popular girl on the school social ladder was Obese Edna. That's most likely due to the fact that obese women tend to bust ladders when their large, puffy feet touch the rungs.

Everything always works out the way God intends it to. Large women are God's way of letting drunk guys get laid. That's where the popularity factor takes a sudden change in school. Maybe Large Marge isn't so popular right now, but after a few times of wedging open her ginormous legs and letting the football team treat her like a fetish monkey treats a hemorrhoid donut, Large Marge will have developed some pretty impressive skillz. Skillz that will, no doubt, come in very handy as she's working the street corners of Sandusky, Pennsylvania in 7 years.

Go Team!