Because, I care.

For a simple gift for the woman I love, I bought her a Lynx * coat this Holiday Festival season.

My girlfriend, Sonjia DeSade, was thrilled. She loves to wear fur. I love the experience of her wearing fur. I got her a mink coat for her birthday in December, only last year. When she came out of her walk in closet, she had nothing on under her mink. We made love there, among her two hundred pairs of shoes, on the rug over the tile with radiant heating.

It is always a risk giving a gift. You expose your self. As a caring, in-touch-with-his-feelings man, you are vulnerable when you do this. Especially when having a growing committed partnership relationship.

Once, long ago, I gave my girlfriend, of the time, the gift of my heart. I came home one night to find her having sex with another. My feelings were hurt. Soon, my hands hurt, too, from all the strangling, and dragging, and chopping, and burying. I got a splash of caustic lime on my forearm, too. It hurt for a few days, but not long enough for the fresh grass seed to sprout.

But, my dearest Sonjia loves natural fur, skinned right off the cat's back. My darling Sonjia is a latex fetish model in the Montreal-New York market, and has a stressful job. She frequently brings her work home with her. Like this very right now, when I write this. Sonjia is with me, here, in our home, along with her personal photographer, Walter. She brought back a new outfit, and Walter is snapping pics of her as she walks around the house. Right now, they are in the indoor pool, doing something in a rubber dingy while the indoor pool boy cleans the pool with a fetish pool vacuum. I am watching it all on the in-house security cameras which have high resolution, zoom, and remote swivel.

But not long ago, a few days ago, I gave her a Lynx coat. It came with a video celebrating the life of the Lynx that gave the gift of recycling. His name was Pippin. He was living in a wildlife sanctuary outside of London, Ontario. That is what the video said. Then, sadly, Pippin, a prime two year old peltling, glossy with a diet of salmon skin, greasy pork, and under bark beetles, was sticken with cancer. If only Stephen Harper had spent more of other people's money to find a cure for cat cancer.

The video showed his four caregivers, from London, all wearing hippie gear, smoking dope, and reading sad poetry from scripts. I now celebrate the life of Pippin, both as Lynx and as Sonjia's coat. He has been recycled, and that makes me feel good. And, it comes with the coat on a silver information disk, called a CD. The one with the label with the red headed wench wearing a head band with blood shot eyes, waving a faux eagle feather and holding up a pipe.

Not only did Pippin make a nice coat, eighty-five percent of his biomass was rescued for parts to build three more endangered cats: two Lynx and one Polecat *. Now the circle of life has spiraled into more living entities, thanks to man's intervention. Like the Lernaean Hydra * faced by Hercules in his Second Labor, you can cut off Pippin's head, but he just comes back as two of himself, with a polecat hanger-on.

All I think about is Sonjia in her warm fur coat. Thank you, Pippin! Thank you London Eco-Telemarketing Front Organization! 149.99 well spent (for the video).

It is comforting to know that when you give a gift of fur, it makes the planet better. Gaia smiles when Sonjia wears her canary yellow latex catsuit, black patent leather lace-up stilleto boots with nickel-cobalt tips, and her Lynx coat.

I know you want to give fur to your woman, too. And I know where you can get a video that celebrates the life of the happy critter that made the coat happen. No guilt for you. Throw in a C-note, and get a kilo of carbon credits. Rush and Hurry. Send me your money.

Because, I care.