Expensive Shoes Are Not Worth A Beating

Fitting an electronic insole that measures pressures on the heel, mid-foot and big toe, a study of footwear conducted by Dundee University had some surprising results when it came to comparing expensive joggers and their cheaper counterparts in regard to foot protection:

A team led by Dr Rami Abboud of Dundee University tested shoes in three price brackets: low-cost (£40), medium (£60-£65) and expensive (£70-£75).

"It would appear from the shoes studied that performance, in terms of cushioning, is not related to cost.

"In fact plantar pressure [impact on the sole of the foot] was lower overall in low and medium-cost shoes.

"This may suggest less expensive running shoes not only provide as much protection from impact force as expensive running shoes, but that in actual fact they may also provide more."

Rating the trainers for comfort, volunteers found the cheap makes were the equal of their pricier counterparts.

Now, instead of cracking your child on the head with a golf club for insulting your anti-consumerist choices, you can back up your violent temper with actual proof that expensive shoes are just plain crap, designed only to steal money from your wallet.

I remember there use to be a store in Scarborough where I grew up called Bargain Harold's--the original dollar store. Bargain Harold's use to sell shoes called North Stars. They were regular looking cheapo shoes with a star on the side on them. At the time they sold for $4 a pair. They were known as welfare shoes, or maybe I'm making that part up, it's been a long time. Well, I liked the look of those shoes, so I bought 20 pairs of them when I was 15...all size 11's.

Now I see North Stars in those stores where moron adults walk around in ref jerseys pretending that they're athletes, when really they're only washed-up never-beens who pray every night that a lightning bolt comes down and strikes them in their zitty face. Anyway, the shoes go for $120, but they are the exact same crapola shoe I bought 25 years ago.

The point is: I'm not telling you to stop hitting your kid, on the contrary, but it's time to drive your point home in a different way. Instead of hitting him/her with a golf club the next time he/she asks for expensive shoes, show him/her an experiment. After they bitch at you for the shoes, tell them to close their eyes. Now, hit them with a pair of Air Jordan's and ask them how they feel. After they tell you, hit them with a pair of $4 shoes and ask them which shoe hurt more. They'll tell you both shoes hurt equally. Perfect, now tell them that's because both shoes are equally shit.

Shoe kid, ya bother me