Yahoo Personals Interpreted

It's that time again, time to interpret a real Yahoo Personal. Wow, this is pretty exciting, you may want to sit down. Oh right, you're at your computer. Then you may want to stand up!

What I like...motorcycling in Vietnam, hiking in Banff, mountain biking in Chile, BBQ'ing on my balcony, running in High Park, rollerblading the TO waterfront and seeking new frontiers.

I get a kick out my job - how else can I witness an exposed beating heart from less than two feet, take the controls of an air force training jet, or spend a day at the beach? No, I am not a spy.

I have been described as passionate, giving, intense, articulate, opinionated, adventurous, and waaaay too honest.

I love music. My ipod reflects an eclectic mix of distracting and pulsating tunes

But enough about me...I am drawn to intelligence, passion and independence. A woman with drive and character, who is unpretentious and comfortable in her own skin.

Common interests are great and all - but they don't stand a chance against chemistry - the ultimate element of seduction.

And now to interpret the Yahoo Personal...

I live in the basement of my parents small house in the projects. You may have figured out by now that I am a terrible liar. I have 6 toes on each foot and I find it near impossible to find comfortable fitting shoes.

I smell like burning tires and my personal hygiene leaves alot to be desired. I once bathed in horse urine, it's kind of a fetish. The last time I had sex, it was with a cat. When the cat had kittens they were all retarded and had to be drowned in a pail of unleaded gas. It was cruel, yet necessary.

I'm in between jobs, but if I had to pick the perfect profession for me I would have to say working in a factory that produces urinal pucks. I know, I seem to talk a lot about urine, but in truth, it fascinates me to no end.

I'm not kind nor generous. I will never hold a door open for you and, chances are that when you wake up in the morning, various objects that I store in my nightstand will be placed in your anal cavity, mouth, or a combination of both.

I listen to music.

The perfect woman for me would have to be one without a sense of smell and is hooked up to a machine with many wires attached to her. Hair is not important, either is a body. Just as long as she is able to pee. I like brunettes because when their head bleeds you can't really tell. I also like women that dig Star Trek, Star Wars, or anything with the words *Star* or *Space* in it.

IM me, I'm usually awake, speed does that to a guy. Have I mentioned that I'm impotent?