The Mayor Makes Appearances

Tonight was a complete disaster, I'm ready to kick my Campaign Manager squarely in the balls. Not only didn't he post his News & Reviews you can't possibly use on Mitchieville this week, he sent me off on the campaign trail, but he sent me to the wrong event.

Strange tells me I'm suppose to go to the South Mitchievillian Winery for the annual wine festival, but it turns out it was actually a wino festival. I should have known from the smell of urine that was detectable from 9 blocks away.

I show up at 7:30, a mere half hour late and this rubby asks if he could take my jacket. Sure, take the jacket, that's what coat check is for, right? Wrong. Buddy actually meant he was taking my jacket. He grabs my Danier and runs for the hills. Great, I'm out $1100.00.

So I head over to the bar, booze will make me feel better. Wrong again. All they have at the bar is Two Buck Chuck and cooking sherry. What the hell, give me a fifth of sherry.

I guzzle about $8 worth of piss and start making the rounds. I can't shake anyone's hand because, well, most of the bums either didn't have hands or they had shit on their hands, so that was completely out. In the meantime, every rubby from Wallace St to Panther Ave was there trying to bum money, usually off of fellow bums. Ever hear a bum trying to bum money from another bum? "Spare some change?" "No, spare some change?" "No, spare some change?" "I told you no, can you spare some change?" "I told you no already. Spare some change?"

After about 20 minutes of this nonsense I decided it was time to climb over the puke encrusted bodies and go the hell home. I got my bodyguards to arrest everyone on the premise and take them to Lugerstown and then burn down the winery. I'm pretty sure I even got the boys to make a special trip to Strange's home and drop him off a special gift that ticks.

I'm not happy tonight. I am not happy at all.