Diversity versus Global Warming

One of the nice things about Toronto, besides the cheap whores, is the wide variety of cultures one can draw inspiration from to promote business efficiency, which increases revenues, which increases taxes, which means more money for our diligent and hard working bureaucrats to fight Global Warming.

Only 4.4 BYAG, Earth was a pristine wilderness, filled with happiness and uncontaminated by the dirty unwashed feet of heteronormative males. Inspired by a seminar presented at the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence, I have implemented a pre-Global Warming work environment for one of the Badwulf family owned businesses located in scenic Erin, Ontario.

Here, located in the underground facility located underneath Pirate Bob's Used Cars (motto: We'll fix you. We'll fix you good!) is the recently renovated Milling and Stampings Division of Mars-Vulcan Heavy Industries. The Global Warming scientists at Mars-Vulcan observed that, in electrical circuits, amperage is bad. Amperage can be greatly reduced by increasing the voltage of circuits. If you do the New Left math, you come up with 600 hundred volts as the most Earth friendly voltage for lighting and power circuits. This form of lighting, called pulse lightning is similar to the happy atmosphere of the planet earth only some 4.4 BYAG.

The Milling and Stampings Division features this new, Global Warming fighting lighting and power system. It is combined with an authentic atmosphere of carbon monoxide, chlorine, and phosgene gas, typical of Earth before the development of photosynthesis by blue-green algae by the evil white heteronormative Republicans. Staff at the facility wear protective atmosphere suits, provided free by their progressive management. Only the breathable air and supply of water as coolant is back charged against their hourly and daily production work quotas. This is a common third world labor practice, fully implemented by Mars-Vulcan management on their extensive illegal immigrant labor force.

Each worker is linked by an umbilical cord which transports breathable air, coolant water, and a 600 volt, six phase, 50 hertz communications/power cable. At the beginning of their work shift, the suit is cooled to a refreshing 10 degrees Celsius, rising to 25 as the shift progresses and the hourly production quotas are reached. A worker can easily determine his productivity by the temperature of the coolant line where it enters his suit in the groin area. This allows the Earth friendly executives at Mars-Vulcan to eliminate middle management, which is a good way to fight Global Warming and generate more corporate profits to be taxed to fund government social spending initiatives. Flow of air and consumption of power can easily be monitored from the command overwatch booth. It is a breath taking sight: the primeval lightning through the pretty green clouds, illuminating the happy workers below, generating taxable revenue.

We can only hope that more responsible corporations adopt the Global Warming initiatives developed to fight Global Warming by Global Warming scientists. If you are interested in a tour of this (and other) facilities, just approach Bob the Bartender at The Rob Roy in Erin, Ontario on Friday Fetish Night.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

cross posted at Dust My Broom, because structural engineers care too.