The Noble Cause justifies the Fundraising

My dedicated legions of telemarketers report a drop off in Global Warming Warning sales every time the snow falls for the last time. This last snow storm is typical of this effect. People see snow and figure that Global Warming is some sort of slimy telemarketing con job, designed to screw them, screw them good.

The snow you see out of your window is the last snow you will ever see. Anyone who questions this is some sort of Global Warming Holocaust Doubter. We can skip the facts and proceed directly to the character assassination. People who deny Global Warming are stupid. They walk funny. They have silly social customs. All of the insults that once were used to mock Learning-Disabled-Canadians, Half-Canadians, and Gangbanger-Canadians can be used against Global Warming Holocaust doubters. You can treat them like straight white people.

Cutting government spending will cause famine and plague. When that heteronormative Harper cuts funding to lobby groups that fund court challenges to federal law, Harper is not cutting funding to lobby groups that fund court challenges to federal law. No way. He is closing schools and throwing senior citizens out into the baking sun of Febuary to die of sunstroke.

We have the solution. The solution is government spending. Now, we need, especially you need, to fund the search for the problem. Your support for others spending your money on themselves is crucial to finding the facts that prove the existance of Global Warming. The fact that everyone who disagrees is scum is scientific proof. In logic, this is called character assassination. Backed up with the red herring and slippery slope and the straw man, you should be reaching for your credit cards.

If you ever want to step into a deep puddle of slush again, you better support Global Warming. You may support activist causes, but you should be nagging others to do the same. Youth crime among our Illegal-Immigrant-Canadians is caused by lack of social spending. If Gangbangers shoot your daughter when she is shopping, or you get AIDS from anal-fist-fucking, or angry Half-Canadians explode a bomb on the subway, or you get a heart attack from eating tubs of lard, well, that is all the fault of those scum who do not support funding for Global Warming.

Stop being a scum. Become someone who can call others scum. Send me your money.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

cross posted at Dust My Broom, because they love snow.