Scarlett Johansson is Disease Free-Possibly

Scarlett Johansson admits to having an HIV test twice a year although she is in a committed, monogamous relationship:

Scarlett, 25, revealed to Allure magazine: "I get tested for HIV twice a year. One has to be socially aware. It's part of being a decent human, to be tested for STDs. It's disgusting when people don't. It's so irresponsible. But contrary to popular belief, I'm not promiscuous."

The 'Scoop' actress - who is dating her 'The Black Dahlia' co-star Josh Hartnett - also claims that monogamy goes against nature because people "are like animals".

This kind of reasoning makes The Mayor question Scarlett Johansson.

If you are not fooling around on your partner, and you know your partner is not fooling around on you, then why in hell would you need to get tested for AIDS? Is the doctor handing out fantastic, tasty lollipops?

I think I know what's going on here. Scarlett's doctor has told her that she must get tested twice a year because he's having a great time looking at this hot broads cooter. That makes sense to The Mayor. It reminds me of the time my ex-wife went to the dentist for a root canal and ended up getting a pap smear.

I think Scarlett needs a second opinion. And in my opinion she needs to get herself to the Mitchieville Wellness Center, located in the heart of Mitchieville, for a special examination that only I can give her. "Put your feet in the stirrups, Ms. Johansson, and say ahhhhhhhh".

Is that a black dahlia in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?