Pothole in Perspective

Like all activists, I hear voices. And for the last few weeks, the same voice has been repeating itself in my thought processes. The tune is Pothole City, which you can listen to here (link) and (link). The artist is a guy called Frank Le Fou, whom I am going to recommend for the Crimson Star (the East German Equivalent of the Iron Cross, Second Class). As an activist leader, I know that a catchy folk tune is an effective propaganda tool, just like Jane Fonda's breasts prove Global Warming.

I was addressing a collective intellegence session of activists this last weekend where we teach our front line telephone people to overcome obstacles to political correctness. Some people just do not like potholes. Somehow the idea that 'potholes are bad' stops them from giving us money to help us destroy their way of life. They are wrong. Potholes fight Global Warming. Therefore, potholes should be encouraged by politically correct activists. Here are some talking points for your weekly Revolutionary Guard meeting:

Why should Canadian Roads meet Canadian Standards? Well, that is a racist concept. Even a small child can name a xillion cultures that do not celebrate highways. Mali has no highways. The Congo has less than a hundred miles of highways. My retired friend Jurgen Stroop says that when he was in Russia doing social work in 1942, the highways were completely unpaved, just one long pothole. And that was Stalin's Socialist Heaven, our rolemodel of diversity and multi-culturalism. If a small child can figure out that potholes are good, then it must be true.

Roads are Bad. Slow is better. Stopped is Best. Cars are Bad. And our wonderful potholes slow cars down. Potholes are a form of discovered social engineering. They are a means to bring about the end. Just because Caesar Borgia did not think it up first does not mean it is not an acceptable means to the end. Potholes get the job done. They are literally a pothole in the smooth operating of the captialist war machine that is everybody who is an enemy of The Red Banner Movement. You know: employed white heteronormatives. How they gnash their teeth on their way to work (when they should be either doing volunteer work or collecting welfare), on their way to their nuclear families (when they should be in some homosexual love triangle with man, woman, or beast), and as they attend some function that is not State centered. Yes, our Pothole comrades are the anti-tank brigades in our Battle of Stalingrad. Die, automobile hetronormative, die.

Thoroughfare Reforestation. Science proves that the space used by a pothole is unused for some 99.5 percent of the average day. Can't those car driving meanies share half a percent? Let's plant trees and happy Plant-Canadians in those potholes! We can turn the ashphalt into forest! It is unused space, like all that spare money the heteronormatives refuse to give to starving homeless village peoples. Potholes are nature's way of letting us know that trees and woody shrubs have feelings too. Global Warming scientists all agree that potholes are caused by the tree fairy. Anyone who disagrees with Global Warming scientists should be shouted down as wrong.

Kyoto Carbon Credits. Several workers collectives around the world have obtained Kyoto Carbon Credits for their foresightful work in pothole infestations. Doctor Dada Dudu, of the New Orleans Civil Engineering Department (now on loan to the City of London, Ontario), has recently authored a detailed and exhaustive study on methods of returning urban areas to pristine conditions. This wise man, whose feel good scholarship certainly has touched anyone who has attended one of his song and dance consciousness raising shows, is an outspoken champion of potholes. Pothole is a racist term, he says. And anyone who has a Ph.D from the Lagos Academy cannot be wrong.

Reparations demanded. Revolutionaries who go out and plant trees, potted plants, and shrubs in potholes should be reimbursed: once for their expenses, and again as a Kyoto Carbon Credit. And I am going to set up a project to investigate this issue to prepare an action plan to explore marketing to advance the hidden pothole agenda of the destruction of global capitalism. It takes money to destroy money captialism. The more money you give, the less time money has to exist on this planet. Please, help me destroy your worst enemy. Send me your money.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.