A Random Interview

I decided to hit the streets of Mitchieville yesterday and conduct my own poll, to see what issues surrounding the highly contested Mayor of Mitchieville race are most important to the good citizens. I also thought I could gauge public opinion and see who the *average Joe* intends on voting for.

I interviewed 75 people yesterday, and every person said they intended on voting for me, The Mayor. The last person I interviewed, shown in picture, was a fantastic indicator as to how and what the good and gracious people of Mitchieville are thinking. This is Latitia Mendoza, let's get inside her brain.

The Mayor--As a Mitchievillian, what are your biggest concerns?

Latitia--Hmmmmm, considering that crime is non-existent in Mitchieville, there are no homeless on the streets, the tax rate is extremely low, we have garbage pick-up twice a week, and the streets are always clean, I'll have to say my biggest concern is that The Mayor won't win and he'll be replaced by either one of the two inept, pathetic, and somewhat greasy candidates running against him.

The Mayor--What would you say are The Mayor's greatest strengths?

Latitia--He is a forward-thinker who makes smart decisions based on fact and need, he really has his ear to the ground and understands the concerns of Mitchievillian's. You can trust The Mayor, he is a man of his word. He won't back down in the face of pressure, he is calm, cool and collective, a real beacon of hope to us all. He is witty, wise and has tremendous foresight. He is a man with a vision and a will, a man that has only one concern: the betterment of all Mitchievillian's.

The Mayor--Fair enough. What are his weaknesses?

Latitia--If he has any, I can't find them.

The Mayor--Fair enough. However, if you could change just one thing about me, if you could just make one minor tweak, what would that be?

Latitia--I suppose you could stand to be less handsome. It's very hard for the woman-folk of Mitchieville to concentrate on daily activities when all we can think about is the picture of The Mayor washing his car with his shirt off, his manly chest glistening with the water droplets falling off his ripped body. All we can think about is you taking us and throwing us down on the ground, ripping our clothes off and sexing us up until we scream in foreign languages.

The Mayor--Nice try, but I don't wash my own car, that's why I have servants.

Latitia--I respect that, anyone would be lucky to be your servant.

The Mayor--You got that right, sister. Now let's make love.

Latitia--In my mind I already have.

So there you have it. I'm not worried about the direction of this campaign, I feel as if I'm in complete control. Fake and phony polls don't scare me, the wise folkage of Mitchieville will make the right decision, just like Latitia, who I had never met up until that award-winning interview.

God bless the fine people's of Mitchieville. May the wind always be at their back.

Vote The Mayor, The People's Choice--December 25-2006