Liberal Leadership - who should I support?

Like most Liberal Party members, I have struggled with my choice on whom to support. As I sat at my desk, looking at a pile of mail in ballots, I wondered at which of these excellent candidates is best able to lead our country into the future. Who is the most politically correct choice? Which candidate will susidize the fight against Global Warming? Expedite spending programs for homelessness awareness activists? Redistribute taxation initiatives to advance socialist social engineering? Where does the winning candidate sit on the dollar a litre levy on gasoline to fight poverty in Africa? These are questions, and I want answers.

As a firm supporter of democratic principles, I would never lower myself by telling you how to vote. That would violate the Telemarketers Code of Ethics and then my hands would burst into flames whenever I used someone elses credit card. No, I will not tell you. I will share with you some advice, the same advice I gave to the graduating class at the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence: What Hollywood movie character best describes the best choice for Supreme Leader of the Liberal Party?

My suggestion is Auric Goldfinger from the eponymous James Bond movie. This great man has three characteristics that are embodied in our Future Leader: Support for Multiculturalism, Crime Fighter, and Enemy of Capitalism.

Support for Multiculturalism. Auric Goldfinger employs employment equity principles in his selection of ethnic minorities such as Oddjob, and women in positions of power, such as Pussy Galore. He even has a crew of all female pilots. These is no glass ceiling for women and minorities here. Certainly Auric embodies a support of multiculturalism which all politically correct people want to see enforced on others and acted out in their leaders.

Crime Fighter. Goldfinger takes a tough leadership position against organized crime by having the patriarchal gang leaders aborted in a safe medical procedure known as gassing. I want the next Supreme Leader to be firm and direct with such issues as expanding the gun registry, keeping our border open and our border guards unarmed. Goldfinger has a demonstrated history of success: does your candidate?

Enemy of Capitalism. The central plot of Goldfinger is the destruction of the American economy, something that every activist wants to see happen. Goldfinger was working with the peace loving representatives of several communist countries to strike at despotic America where they are most vulnerable. Will your Liberal Leader do the same thing as effectively as Auric? Can they summon technical assistance and consultants from foreign powers like Syria, Iran, and North Korea to further their domestic agenda?

I suggest you take in a viewing of the movie Goldfinger. Aside from improving your golf game, I believe that the hero, Goldfinger, will raise your consciousness about desirable traits in your choice for Liberal leader. As you take your part in history, holding a handful of ballots, making all those X marks, say to yourself: I want Auric Goldfinger for Leader of the Liberal Party.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this, my hands sore from voting early and often.

This important message cross posted at Dust My Broom.