Message from Health and Welfare Canada

As the days shorten and the autumn is upon us, the helpful bureaucrats at Health and Welfare Canada would like warn Canadians of the dangers of being kidnapped by Space Aliens.

Being abducted by Space Aliens is on the rise in Canada.

What do Space Aliens want? Extraterrestrials want your music collection. They use music recordings as a power source for their strange technology. The more music CD's you carry in your car, the greater the probability that you will be harvested. Certain musical genre are more valuable to the denizens of deep space. Fast banjo compilations are preferable to harpsicord and lute works to power intergalactic space travel devices.

Am I eligible for benefits when I return to the planet Earth? Yes. You can apply online, or just talk to one of our helpful telephone operators who will be happy to start sending you money.

What if I have been abducted more than once? You receive a generous pension for each documented abduction.

What, uh, proof do I need to make a claim? This is Canada and we use the Honor System. Simply mention your Liberal Party membership number and provide a short description of the compact disks, CD's, cassettes, or 8 track tapes that were taken.

Wait a second. Does that minion of the evil Mike Harris, Jim Flaherty (the Finance Minister), know anything about this? Of course not. It is against Generally Accepted Accounting Principles to let publically elected officals know how we distribute funds.

This message paid for by a generous gift of money from the Federal Government with the traditional kickback to Leadership Candidate X.