Screech is Pornorific

There's a good and bad side to this story: The good side is that the tape hasn't been released so you won't see it yet, the bad part is what you are about to read:

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."

Watching Screech give a dirty sanchez to a woman ranks right up there with watching my grandpa go down on my grandma. Chances are though, Screech is on the receiving end of the Sanchez, the dirty little pig.

Maybe it's not as bad as I think, maybe he's banging Lisa Turtle and Kelly Kapowski, that would be a must-see. Maybe they role-played Saved by the Bell, and Screech is pretending that Mr. Belding is chasing him for doing something naughty, and Screech tires to hide in a closet, only to trip and fall, jamming his face in Kelly Kapowski's underwearless crotch. Lisa gets so upset that Screech is mowing down on Kelly that she rips off his pants and jams a dildo up his ass. Oh hold on, that's not right, that's my fantasy. Sorry to waste your time.

Dustin Diamond is gold