DMX's Baby Momma Raped Him

Rapper DMX (I can honestly say I have no idea who the hell this was before the article), has accused the baby momma of his child of rape:

Monique Wayne forced the rap star, real name Earl Simmons, to take a paternity test in her bid to prove he fathered her son in 2004 and DMX has since acknowledged he is the kid's dad.

He says, "She raped me... That might sound like some bulls**t... (but) is that the only thing in the world that's not possible? Because when I sleep, my man (penis) be out.

"I was out. I was up the day before. I had drunk, did a whole video shoot... I'd go back to the room, they had some broads... (I was like), 'Just put her on the couch. I don't give a f**k... I'm going to sleep, with my clothes on.'

"DNA says it is (my child). I don't know... If I did (have sex with her) I would remember. It ain't like she's a pretty girl.

"It's crazy because, you know, a girl just throwing some p**sy at the average guy, it's like, 'Oh s**t...' Who wouldn't want it? But... you don't want to f**k everybody."

And yet he sounds like such a fine, well spoken, upstanding individual. Baby momma's baby sure is lucky to have a great dad like DMX. I feel a rap coming on...

DMX work all day long,
making one of dem rappin' songs,
Then something terrible went wrong,
God-damned hoe attacked his shlong.

Bitch den raped that upstanding man,
Put his dick in her hand,
Then she milked his filthy gland,
That should be worth 50 grand.

9 month later baby tumble out,
that's what inner-city love is all about,
DMX mad, DMX shout,
shouldn't have put that bitch up on his couch.

There's a lesson here, DMX should know,
never fall asleep next to a hoe,
You'll know better next time, bro,
Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo.

Word.

Should have slept with a jock on

Attu Sees All supplied the fodder for this award-winning post