Stop Harper

News even worse than Invasion from Space!

WOODSTOCK - Stephen Harper took a page out of George Bush’s book and used armed force and bullying to force others to do his will.

Using an elite parachute brigade that Stephen Harper had handpicked and trained with, Canadian Stormtroopers easily overwhelmed the security detachment surrounding American President George Bush. The American Leader, once the most feared tyrant on the planet, was forced under threat of death to concede important trade points and turn over control of all nuclear weapons to Harper’s personal control. Unnamed sources present at the meeting say that Bush lost bladder control when Harper personally threatened him with a broken shard from a beer mug.

Now Stephen Harper is the worlds most dastardly villain, as he used the very same methods that brought infamy to Bush, on Bush. And Canadians now have to share the country with this brutal first world despot, whereas before they could just gripe and titter in their northern solitude over those stupid Americans.

It gets worse.

As part of the deal for the life of George Bush, Space Alien Technology from the Roswell crash site was surrendered to the Canadian Air Force. Unfortunately for the Free World, other Space Alien Weapons were already in the control of the Conservative Party of Canada. When these two devices were combined, Evil Scientists loyal only to Harper were able to use Fearsome Alien Weapons to obliterate the Invasion from Space that everyone has been worried about. At the snap of his finger, insane despot Harper signaled the incineration of the Alien Fleet beyond Pluto in only six minutes. This happened during the World Cup Soccer game between France and Portugal so the Main Stream Media was unable to report the spectacular space battle and bright multi-megaton flashes for what they were. Instead, people mistakenly took the booms, cracks, flashes, thuds, ka-booms, whumps and burning wreckage streaking through the sky of a major space battle for street youth hip hop activists.

Canada now lies under the despotic rule of a power crazed fanatic armed with Weapons from Space Aliens, advised by a shadowy cabal of Evil Scientists, and surrounded by legions of fanatic soldiers. These soldiers are personally loyal to Harper, and Harper alone. They do not respect UN resolution 1187 concerning the treatment of plants, reptiles, amphibians, and worms.

This is worse than Invasion from Space, which was worse than Global Warming. Will Harper make the Harp seals extinct by using their brains to control cyborg suicide weapons for his vast space empire? Will Harper order accelerated Global Warming in order to make a quick buck selling Yukon real estate to gullible American investors? Will Harper kill the Third World with third hand cigarette smoke? Will the Toronto School Board ever receive adequate funding? Or will the Toronto School Board be turned into a vast forced labor camp, making widgets and gizmos by candle light to fill the hungry arsenals of the Canadian War Machine on its demonic mission of Galactic Conquest and Empire?

You can fight this evil by writing letters to the Toronto Star, or painting your face in bright colors and shouting sentence fragments while being filmed by activist cameramen. Only the United Nations can stop Harper. Write to them with your concerns, including a stamped, self addressed envelope for their reply. The UN is our only hope now.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.