Horoscope for the week of May 29, 2006
An ancient prophecy from the seer Nostradamus warns of taking advice from drunkards, crackpates, or stage actors. See that you do not end up paying for the drinks.
ARIES A great beginning to the week when everything goes your way. Around Wednesday, things change gear. Bide your time and hold your cards close until you see which way things are going. You will have both money and love on the weekend.
TAURUS Final stages of a project are completed this week, with you springing the trap on Tuesday. Only the distractions of good luck will complicate issues as you are going to win the lottery on Thursday. So much for your concentration on Friday.
GEMINI Sharp mind you have this week. Thoughts, facts, and logic just zolt through your synapses. Do try to capture some of this on paper as it will prove both profitable and controversial later.
CANCER A vulgar street criminal is active in your neighbourhood, only to vanish into some concrete prison hell hole by the end of the week. Gnash your teeth and pluck up your resolve and note who is giving this cretin sustenance. Plot against them.
LEO You are the beam against the weary rest this week, O King of Beasts. Which is a compliment, but rather a drag when you are focused on seduction rather than being the therapist. You will snag a much older lover though. Enjoy.
VIRGO Beware of strange happenings this week. Pretty much every day you should have one (at most one) unusual, unexpected, and possibly unnatural experience. The loons will come out of the woodwork for you. Unless you like having sex with limbless nuns.
LIBRA Ah, you will burn with envy at anothers hot romance, Keep your suffering to yourself, grasp it tight and do not feed the fire with your glances. This affair you witness is going to end in loud arguments and a restraining order. You will feel better then. You can feel better now.
SCORPIO Good fortune ramps up this week. Your homework is to discover the visualizations that will channel your luck into manifestation that you can control. Start a journal to note patterns.
SAGITTAURUS Will this week ever end? It sure will. Just bite your tongue and pretend you are back in prison. Your boss is really a goon, and your co-workers are prison gang members. That will bring a smile to your face.
CAPRICORN This is your last week of your season of discontent. The last challenge will be from rather stupid youngsters. If you use patience, they will self-destruct without you having to bombard them with x-rays.
AQUARIUS Not a bad week to lay in a supply of provisions for the turbulent things that are going to happen later in the summer. Lay in a supply of coffee, tobacco, and condoms.
PISCES That recurring Pisces theme of 'the Changeling' will spark through your life this week. When dealing with small children, make sure that they are indeed who they are supposed to be. For diversion, research Japanese submarine designs.
I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.
ARIES A great beginning to the week when everything goes your way. Around Wednesday, things change gear. Bide your time and hold your cards close until you see which way things are going. You will have both money and love on the weekend.
TAURUS Final stages of a project are completed this week, with you springing the trap on Tuesday. Only the distractions of good luck will complicate issues as you are going to win the lottery on Thursday. So much for your concentration on Friday.
GEMINI Sharp mind you have this week. Thoughts, facts, and logic just zolt through your synapses. Do try to capture some of this on paper as it will prove both profitable and controversial later.
CANCER A vulgar street criminal is active in your neighbourhood, only to vanish into some concrete prison hell hole by the end of the week. Gnash your teeth and pluck up your resolve and note who is giving this cretin sustenance. Plot against them.
LEO You are the beam against the weary rest this week, O King of Beasts. Which is a compliment, but rather a drag when you are focused on seduction rather than being the therapist. You will snag a much older lover though. Enjoy.
VIRGO Beware of strange happenings this week. Pretty much every day you should have one (at most one) unusual, unexpected, and possibly unnatural experience. The loons will come out of the woodwork for you. Unless you like having sex with limbless nuns.
LIBRA Ah, you will burn with envy at anothers hot romance, Keep your suffering to yourself, grasp it tight and do not feed the fire with your glances. This affair you witness is going to end in loud arguments and a restraining order. You will feel better then. You can feel better now.
SCORPIO Good fortune ramps up this week. Your homework is to discover the visualizations that will channel your luck into manifestation that you can control. Start a journal to note patterns.
SAGITTAURUS Will this week ever end? It sure will. Just bite your tongue and pretend you are back in prison. Your boss is really a goon, and your co-workers are prison gang members. That will bring a smile to your face.
CAPRICORN This is your last week of your season of discontent. The last challenge will be from rather stupid youngsters. If you use patience, they will self-destruct without you having to bombard them with x-rays.
AQUARIUS Not a bad week to lay in a supply of provisions for the turbulent things that are going to happen later in the summer. Lay in a supply of coffee, tobacco, and condoms.
PISCES That recurring Pisces theme of 'the Changeling' will spark through your life this week. When dealing with small children, make sure that they are indeed who they are supposed to be. For diversion, research Japanese submarine designs.
I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.
posted by The Mayor at 2:59 AM
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