Long-term Cell Use Raises Brain Tumor Risk

How can this be, you ask? Haven't recent studies concluded that there isn't any risk of radiation exposure due to cell phone use? Doesn't this test contradict earlier tests? Didn't earlier studies show absolutely no link between regular, long-term use of cell phones and the most common type of tumor? Why does my dog growl at me when I massage his genitals?

Those are all valid questions, but I can really only answer your last question: You're being too rough when you're playing with Fido's nuggets.

However, this is what the researchers at the Dutch Health Council had to say about long term use of cell phones:

"A total 85 of these 905 cases were so-called high users of mobile phones, that is they began early to use mobile and/or wireless telephones and used them a lot," the study said.

"The study also shows that the rise in risk is noticeable for tumors on the side of the head where the phone was said to be used," it added.

Kjell Mild, who led the study, said the figures meant that heavy users of mobile phones, for instance of who make mobile phone calls for 2,000 hours or more in their life, had a 240 percent increased risk for a malignant tumor on the side of the head the phone is used.

Another risk cell phone users have, is the risk of being punched in the face by me because you people have to be the rudest and most obnoxious assholes in the entire universe. Take a bit of advice from The Mayor: If you are in a restaurant or a crowded area, tell the person on the other line that you are busy and you will call them back when you are alone. You are not that important, people don't want to listen to your jack-assery, we hate you and want to beat you with a shovel. Losers.

That's a drag though about the whole tumor thing, my heart bleeds for the sick. However, if you really want to get sick fast, try cooking food with your microwave door open, that's a fast ticket to the emergency ward.

God gets back at cell phone users