Pouring Ketchup--The Mystery is Solved

Are you one of those folks that become extremely irritated when the ketchup won't flow freely from the bottle? Think about it, while thousands of Nigerians are being slaughtered by Moslem extremists, you're upset that your precious ketchup isn't flowing freely from the bottle. You should be ashamed of yourself.

There is a proper way to pour ketchup, and nearly anyone with one solitary functioning braincell can do it:

The first issue is solved by holding the bottle sideways, with a slight downward tilt, rather than upside-down. In this position, the ketchup naturally is pulled to the lower side of the neck, and the air naturally will channel along the higher side of the neck.

It is necessary to "increase the weight" of the ketchup by applying some G-force. This can be done by making a fist, and tapping the bottle downwards against the fist, to bring the bottle to an abrupt halt.

And voila! You have your precious ketchup.

I stay up nights worrying about you folks, it's a constant strain on my relationship with the Little Danish Girl. I'm always fretting about you, wondering if you are pouring your condiments correctly. Now I can sleep well at nights, for the ketchup mystery is solved.

Tomorrow: Should you tie your shoelaces in single or double loops?

How to pour your ketchup more effectively