An Oscar Injustice
Crash beat out Brokeback Mountain for best picture last night at the Oscars. Big deal. That is nothing compared to the injustice that was served steaming hot on a plate of death last night to The Mayor.
As most of you know, I went to an Oscar party last night at Chris Strange's estate. As usual, it was a great night, Chris and his live-in love slave, GIGC, put on another amazing event, as they do every year. There was plenty of food and booze, good friends, plenty of chuckles, the whole nine yards. But an injustice occured that has forever changed my life.
Every year at Chris' party, Chris and his girlfriend put up a giant board with all the attendees Oscar picks. The person that gets the most picks correct usually wins a small prize, this year it was a trip for two to Cancun, and a fruit basket. There's always a fruit basket involved with every prize they give out, don't ask why, no one is quite sure. Out of the hundreds of attendees picks, who do you think answered the most Oscar picks correctly? Yup, The Mayor did. But did The Mayor walk away with a trip and a fruit basket? Oh no, no he didn't.
The awards were finished, The Mayor had smoked the competition, all that was left for me to do was the *Woot Woot* dance and rub my victory in everyone's face. But then something startling happened. Chris had a roulette wheel set up, where he would spin the wheel at the various intermissions and give away prizes, like shooters, movies, hotel stays, NFL autographed jackets, big screen TV's, basically anything that Chris had *borrowed* or downright stolen from the City of Mitchievile over the last year.
Chris decided that he would give the wheel one last spin, the prize for the winner was 5 points toward their Oscar picks. Chris spun the wheel and it landed on 14, or as I now refer to it, "The number associated with death". Larissa, Bob Noxious' girlfriend, won the 5 points, which propelled her into first place, two points ahead of the real winner, me.
Instead of smashing every bit of furniture in Chris' house, and wounding and maiming the remaining guests, I acted like it was no big deal. "Well isn't that great, congratulations, what a wonderful stroke of luck to have befallen you, Larissa". In the back of my mind I was secretly plotting to smash Larissa's kneecaps with a hammer and beating Chris to death with the small but very effective roulette wheel.
I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, I didn't sleep a wink last night. I find it hard to sleep while grave injustices are being perpetrated. I can't stop thinking about this whole sordid affair, I need retribution.
I have a plan.
I want to call upon every Mitchievillian, especially you good folk who read this site daily but never make comments on it, to spam Chris' site with comments. We need to show him our collective disgust, we will not stand idly by as non-winners parade around as actual winners. This is not what we are about here at Mitchieville.
I have typed out a few comments that you, my loving, caring, and downright angry readership can leave on Chris' site. Let's embarrass Chris into reversing his decision, let's not stop until the words "Mr. Mayor, you are the real winner, I'm so sorry for doing what I did" come out of his mouth. And I want a God-damned fruit basket.
Let's go old school on Chris:
Stop the Injustice
The Mayor is the real winner, not that cute chick that you mistakenly think is
You know not what you have done, fly straight, Chris
As most of you know, I went to an Oscar party last night at Chris Strange's estate. As usual, it was a great night, Chris and his live-in love slave, GIGC, put on another amazing event, as they do every year. There was plenty of food and booze, good friends, plenty of chuckles, the whole nine yards. But an injustice occured that has forever changed my life.
Every year at Chris' party, Chris and his girlfriend put up a giant board with all the attendees Oscar picks. The person that gets the most picks correct usually wins a small prize, this year it was a trip for two to Cancun, and a fruit basket. There's always a fruit basket involved with every prize they give out, don't ask why, no one is quite sure. Out of the hundreds of attendees picks, who do you think answered the most Oscar picks correctly? Yup, The Mayor did. But did The Mayor walk away with a trip and a fruit basket? Oh no, no he didn't.
The awards were finished, The Mayor had smoked the competition, all that was left for me to do was the *Woot Woot* dance and rub my victory in everyone's face. But then something startling happened. Chris had a roulette wheel set up, where he would spin the wheel at the various intermissions and give away prizes, like shooters, movies, hotel stays, NFL autographed jackets, big screen TV's, basically anything that Chris had *borrowed* or downright stolen from the City of Mitchievile over the last year.
Chris decided that he would give the wheel one last spin, the prize for the winner was 5 points toward their Oscar picks. Chris spun the wheel and it landed on 14, or as I now refer to it, "The number associated with death". Larissa, Bob Noxious' girlfriend, won the 5 points, which propelled her into first place, two points ahead of the real winner, me.
Instead of smashing every bit of furniture in Chris' house, and wounding and maiming the remaining guests, I acted like it was no big deal. "Well isn't that great, congratulations, what a wonderful stroke of luck to have befallen you, Larissa". In the back of my mind I was secretly plotting to smash Larissa's kneecaps with a hammer and beating Chris to death with the small but very effective roulette wheel.
I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, I didn't sleep a wink last night. I find it hard to sleep while grave injustices are being perpetrated. I can't stop thinking about this whole sordid affair, I need retribution.
I have a plan.
I want to call upon every Mitchievillian, especially you good folk who read this site daily but never make comments on it, to spam Chris' site with comments. We need to show him our collective disgust, we will not stand idly by as non-winners parade around as actual winners. This is not what we are about here at Mitchieville.
I have typed out a few comments that you, my loving, caring, and downright angry readership can leave on Chris' site. Let's embarrass Chris into reversing his decision, let's not stop until the words "Mr. Mayor, you are the real winner, I'm so sorry for doing what I did" come out of his mouth. And I want a God-damned fruit basket.
Let's go old school on Chris:
I understand that you cheated The Mayor and hurt his feelings last night. I hope your stay in hell will be enjoyable, you nazi.Do the right thing, Chris, declare me the winner before you get bombarded with tens of thousands of angry comments. Step up to the plate, Chris, you don't want this, you're walking a thin line that when crossed will mean agony and pain for the rest of your life.
Before you start your car up this morning, you might want to check under the hood to see if there is anything ticking, you nazi.
How can a person with 16 points beat a guy that had 18 points? What are you running here, an Oscar party or a fucking ludicrous game show? Nazi.
I heard your Oscar party was a great success! Congratulations! Now give The Mayor his fruit basket or I'll rip out your intestines and hang you with them, you nazi.
Great site! Are you interested in saving big $$$ on Viagra or Cialus, you nazi?
Stop the Injustice
The Mayor is the real winner, not that cute chick that you mistakenly think is
You know not what you have done, fly straight, Chris
posted by The Mayor at 1:59 PM
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