The Key to Eternal Love

I have figured out a way to tell if you are going to be with your partner for life. I know you're calling bullshit on this, but it's true, I have a way to tell if you are going to stay with your sweet-baby-love forever. It hit me like a ton of bricks the other day, and it's so true that it actually defines the meaning of true. It's quite simple, it's very obvious. You know if you are going to stay together with your baby if he/she loves Trident Splash, Vanilla-Mint gum.

If your sweetie-pie doesn't love Trident Splash, Vanilla-Mint gum, then dump the bitch/bastard, because they have zero taste and you don't have time to mess around with losers. The only people that don't love Trident Splash, Vanilla-Mint gum, are disgusting half-wits and tragic geeks who probably prefers smelling his/her own farts and enjoys some form of the evil Dentyne. Eff them, eff them in their stupid asses.

Trident Splash, Vanilla-Mint gum is perhaps the greatest thing that a human could ever have in their mouth. Even Pierre St. Jermaine would agree with that statement, and he's had tens of thousands of different tastes hit the back of his throat over his lifetime.

If your baby-doll loves Trident Splash, Vanilla-Mint gum, then your relationship with him/her is guaranteed pure, and forever lasting. You will love them to the ends of the earth, you will cherish and respect them and act towards each other as if you invented love. You will revel in each other and taste the sweet juices of a genuine caring and understanding that only people who have graced themselves in the righteousness of Trident Splash, Vanilla gum, have come to experience.

If your partner hasn't tried Trident Splash, Vanilla-Mint gum, give them a piece and watch their eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul, you will know immediately if you are destined to be with them for eternity. If your partner winces, even for a second, upon tasting Trident Splash, Vanilla-Mint gum, promptly rip out the gum from their idiot mouth and never associate with that person again.

I have yet to be proven wrong in regard to my theory. The little Danish girl loves Trident Splash, Vanilla-Mint gum, and I haven't yet had the desire to cave her head in with the base of a lamp, and we've been dating for about 5 months or so(just don't tell her that).