A Cure for the Common Cold

If you have a cold or flu, put away your medications, don't worry about getting plenty of sleep and drinking gallons of orange juice, that shit won't work. The best way to cure the common cold, according to German scientists, is to grab your love partner and bump uglies 'till the cows come home:

In the course of his lengthy neuroimmunological experiments, the scientist arrived at the conclusion that sexual intercourse has a positive effect not only on the overall physical condition of both partners but also on their immune systems. Phagocytes are to be praised for the marvel. Phagocytes are cells that help the body rid itself of various ailments. This is how they work: once they locate an alien body, they penetrate it and trigger self-destruction.

That's exactly like me, once I find an alien body I penetrate it and trigger self-destruction. And with any luck I don't trigger premature self-destruction.

During sexual intercourse, number of phagocytes tends to increase significantly; oftentimes, number of these cells almost doubles after orgasm. This in turn enables these cells to detect and destroy antibodies more quickly.

Is there anything sex can't cure? I mean, other than AIDS, herpes, the clap, and a host of STD's, other than that though, is there anything sex can't cure?

Fenris and I were studying this report yesterday, and to us it made perfect sense. As a matter of fact, we're so sure that having sexual intercourse will cure every evil in your semi-diseased body, that we have decided to try to help out the women of Mitchieville by offering them sexual intercourse, for next to free.

For just a small fee, Fenris and/or myself will have sexual intercourse with you. If you have a girlfriend that's sick, we'll bang her too. Hell, if you and your girlfriend, or several of your girlfriends are sick, we'll sex up the whole God-damned lot of ya. This is what Fenris and I do, we help people. And why? Because we love and care about you.

Bend over and say "Awwwwww"