411? Eat Me

Do you get charged $1 for every 411 call you make? Does it piss you off to no end that the phone company is ripping you blind for charging a buck just to find a number that is literally at their finger tips and takes less than a nano-second to find. When you get your bill at the end of the month and find $7 worth of 411 charges, don't you feel like finding a representative of the phone company and pounding their skull in until their face looks like a bowl of Alpo? No? It's just me? I'll be damned, it is just me.

If you're tired of filling up the coffers on the mega-rich phone companies, a solution is at hand. A solution so fool-proof that if you decide not to use it, it proves to me that you have more money than brains. Not to fear though, I like 'em dumb, and I like 'em rich. For the other 98% of Mitchievillians, 1-800-FREE411(or 1-800-373-3411) can help.

Simply dial that number, listen to a short, and probably aggravating message, and the $1 charge is waived. Poof! Gone. Nada. Buh bye.

How can you ever thank me for something like this? You can't, there's not a single thing you can do to pay me back for this wealth of information I have bestowed upon you. All I ask is that you remember me in your prayers and dreams, and think about me often.

Now, is that too much to ask?