He loves Goooooooooold

I'm not sure if this guy lost his genitalia in an unfortunate smelting accident like Goldmember did, but from the looks of him, he definitely lost his marbles.

JULY 21--Meet Patrick Tribett. The Ohio man was nabbed yesterday morning for "abusing harmful intoxicants" as he attempted to make a purchase at Bellaire's Dollar General Store. The 41-year-old Tribett, it seems, had been huffing spray paint and needed a refill. According to a Bellaire Police Department report, Tribett's pupils were constricted and he replied slowly to their questions. Oh, and "officers observed the paint on face and hands,"

The story itself doesn't surprise me, after all, any product that has ever been in a Sear's catalogue has either been shoved into someone's mouth, or jammed up someone's ass. That's a fact, ask any cop or Proctologist.

I can't believe I can't come up with a funnier line than that.

Thanks to Neale news and The Smoking Gun.