Virtual Girl, Real Life Loser

Most children at one time or another have had an imaginary friend, it's normal. I had a few imaginary friends when I was a little boy, I even remember the names of a few, Julie and Barbara. I remember playing with them in the sand box one day when Julie threw sand in my eyes. I remember the hurt I felt when this happened, I remember having to teach her a lesson that she never forgot. I remember playing dress up with Julie and Barbara, how they would wear my clothes and I would wear theirs. I remember how embarrassing it was when my ex wife walked in on us and saw me wearing nothing but stilleto's and a smile. God that was hot. I remember losing my fake virginity to my imaginary friends, not like the other boys who lost theirs sliding up and down poles day and night.

There's a time though when we all grow up and put away childish things. As I mentioned, I was about 27 when that happened, for your sake I hope you were a bit younger. Now I'm the Mayor of a thriving metropolis, all grown up with a new set of responsibilities in my life. Maybe you don't have it as good as me, there's no shame in that, for I respect you for who you are, but maybe your mom and dad don't.

Do your folks hound you about not settling down and having a girlfriend, how all your other miserable friends have significant others and all you have is Playboy magazines and half a tub of K-Y. Now you can shut your parents the hell up by going to Imaginary Girlfriends and picking out a real, but not so real girlfriend. Here's what I mean by that.

You sign up on the site and then browse through the thousands of girls that they have displayed. I suggest one that has really big tits, no vocal chords, and owns a liquor store. No use being unhappy with the non existent girlfriend you have. I'm going to let the brains behind this site explain the rest.

Just make up how you met and include any details about yourself that you want your new girlfriend to know. Within days you'll receive personalized love letters by mail, e-mails, photos, special gifts... even phone messages or online chat. Every Imaginary Girlfriend is unique.

Yes, they are all unique, but strikingly the exact same.

The girls are real. The relationship is not. When your time is up you can break up with her for whatever reason you decide, and she'll write you a final letter begging you to take her back. Our service is easy-to-use, lots of fun, and discreet.

Is it just me or can anyone else feel the worms crawling up the rugged ladder of their spine? When the time comes to break up, I suggest you be as cruel as one can be to another human being without having the law come in and cart your pathetic ass away for 25 years.

It actually sounds like fun, but I'd hate to be such a loser that I'd have to do it in real life. Can you imagine if you sign up, go through all the processes, and the girl actually turns you down? "Sorry, but you really are a giant loser, I've never walked away from money before, but you suck". Wow, you may as well tie the rope around your neck right now.