Happy Valentine's Day

Well, it's Valentine's Day, and you rolled another gutter ball, same ole same ole. Instead of heeding my advise last week, you decided to do nothing. You couldn't even get your beau a stinkin' box of chocolates. I guess you must really hate sex. Or maybe your couch is just so comfortable, that you decided it would be nice sleeping on it for the next three weeks. Just think, now when you go to any party, when any occasion arrives, when your buddy's are all over at your house, you get to hear the story about the time you didn't buy her a Valentine's gift. You my friend are one lucky, lucky man. Can you feel just a hint of sarcasm coming through your monitor? I suppose you want me to get your nuts out of a sling, eh? I suppose you want me to help you get your pants out of the fire, to help a brother out. Forget it. I've done my part and you're too far gone for help. You're halfway to living in a men's shelter, no help can get you out of this jam. You may as well just take the plunge right now.
I mean you may as well go to this site right now and send her an anti-Valentine.

You can e-mail her a card that really sums up how you feel, like:

I won't be giving you my heart this year, but I do have another throbbing organ you might be interested in....

It doesn't make any difference what you do now, you may as well send her an insulting card. At least you'll have a funny story to tell your friends when you're sleeping in their basement.