What The Devil Is In Their Anus?

I can honestly say I have no idea what this x-ray is telling me. If I had to guess, I would say that buddy shoved a transformer up his ass. If you're not familiar with what a transformer is, it's a robot in disguise, it's more that meets the eyes.

If I'm correct and that actually is a transformer, I hope for this guys sake that it doesn't transform into the CN tower, or buddy will be split from arsehole to earlobe. Then again, I don't care.

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What The Devil Is In Their Anus?

If you ever want to talk to someone who thinks every last person in the world is a liar, I suggest talking to a proctologist. I have a friend who is a procto and he's forever telling me (in spite of doctor/patient confidentiality, of course) the various stories he hears and the bizarre things he sees on a daily basis. According to the good Doc's patients, nothing has ever been purposely shoved up someones ass, anything that reaches the Hershey highway has always gotten there by mistake. You name it--IPod Shuffles, 500ml water bottles, video camera, remote control, oranges, cutlery, the list is endless. That why when I saw this x-ray of a guy who has a pin in his ass, the first thing that came to mind is that it was no accident, buddy jammed that sucker up there for a reason. And trust me, whatever reason he/she had, you really don't want to know.

One last thing, if you have a friend who is a proctologist, never play the game "Smell My Finger" with him. You're just going to have to trust me on that.

What In Tarnation Am I?

When Larry, Nancy and One of Three said that last week's bizarre creature was the cucumber, I had to laugh. If the sea had cucumbers, I reckoned, then I'm sure the Pacific is also filled with fava beans and wonderful aged bottles of Chianti. Oh look, the sea is like a giant buffet, could you pass the butter, please? Now I wish I could take that laugh back, because those monster-knowing folks were correct, last week's creature was the sea cucumber.

This week will be different, I'll be amazed if anyone will be able to guess what this odd looking beastie is. Here's some info in case you may have an inkling:

It has a tubular, segmented body lined with chaetae, small appendages that aids with its mobility. As it does not move outside its tube, it does not have any specialized appendages for movement or swimming.

The most distinct features are the two "crowns" that are shaped like Christmas-trees. These "crowns" are actually highly modified prostomial palps which are specialized mouth appendages. Each spiral is actually composed of feather-like tentacles called radioles, which are heavily ciliated which allows any prey that are trapped in them to be transported straight towards the mouth. While they are primarily feeding structures, it also uses its radioles for respiration. It is because of this that the structures are commonly called "gills".

It sounds sexy enough. Ya, good luck with that.

So, What in Tarnation Am I?

What In Tarnation Am I?

A few weeks ago, the last time we played What in Tarnation Am I, One of Three guessed correctly that the fish in question was the awesome Marine hatchetfish. reg, Dino and Larry all had interesting guesses, but interesting doesn't equate into a correct answer, unless it's a Toronto public schools students exam paper. Nancy guessed that it was Pugsly, my stud squirrel that is squishing all competition in squirrel fights 2008, but Nancy's answer was driven out of jealousy so I will forgive her and possibly pray for her tonight when I go to bed at 8:30 like all the other cool kids are doing. As for the fish in question...

This large species has a rounded head and a mouth which faces forward to catch squid and fish that swim up off the seafloor. As with most of these disgusting bastards, the males of this species have a special drum machine on their swim bladder that is used to attract females. They have to be careful though, as other fish like morid cods have hydrophones on their swim bladders to hunt down the sources of such noises.

What In Tarnation Am I?

I was shocked that so many people knew that last week's animal was the Long Ear Jerboa. One of Three, Chris Taylor and Mr. Fnortner all guessed correctly. How shocked was I that so many people knew the animal in question was a jerboa? I was so shocked that I went into convulsions and had to be rushed to the emergency clinic at the Mitchieville Hospital. THAT's how shocked I was.

Hopefully my shock factor is over and I can now resume a normal life, just like you, you and that other guy over there behind the fern.

Let's learn a little about the animal in today's picture:

They consist of 9 genera and 8 species found in Africa south of the Sahara, southern India, Sri Lanka, southeastern Asia and the East Indies. They have a tail either very short or completely absent, and their heads and eyes are round, with small ears which are almost completely hidden by fur. The forelimbs and hindlimbs are nearly equal in length.

All of these animals have extremely strong fingers and toes, and they are capable of maintaining a powerful grip with either hands or feet for astonishingly long periods of time. They are arboreal and nocturnal, sleeping by day in hollowed out trees, tree crevices or branches. Generally they sleep curled up in a ball, with their heads tucked up under their arms. When they move, they do so with slow deliberate hand-over-hand movements, moving along as easily under a branch as above. They are capable of moving quickly if alarmed, but they do not jump or leap.

The little fella looks as though he's waving at us. "Hello, little fella, would you like some fresh berries? Would you like a cool drink of milk?" Wow, did you see that, it looked right at me!

Animals are incredible. And tasty. And just by looking at this little guy, I can tell that he would be scrumpdillyicious.

So, What in Tarnation Am I?

What The Devil Is In Their Anus?

I don't really know an awful lot about medicine. I'm not a doctor, I've never played one on TV, and I've never had sex with anyone in the medical community. Seriously, I've never even made love to a low paid walk-in clinic clerk. Therefore, when it comes to looking at x-rays, I'm about the last person you would ever ask to get a decent opinion from.

Having said that, I've been looking at this x-ray in question, and I'm nearly positive that it's two aliens playing with an IPod while relaxing in someone's anus.

Perhaps I'm wrong, although I highly doubt it.

How about you, do you know What The Devil Is In Their Anus?

What The Devil Is In Their Anus?

We had many interesting replies to yesterday's question, "What the Devil is in Their Anus?" Dmorris thought it was a stick of powerfrac 100. Close, but no cigar, dmorris. Aaron thought it might have been some form of club. Reg said that he thought it was an inanimate carbon rod. I think we may have a weiner!

However, Mark Nicodemo had the best story of the night:

I worked at a Catholic hospital until 2001. While there, someone told me a story of a man who visited the Emergency Room registration and needed to see a dr. quick. Naturally, the registrar asked what was the nature of his problem. Patient refused to answer. Once in the E.R., the patient told the doctor that he had lodged a sex toy in his rectum and could not get it out. Thanks to some invasive tactics on the part of the doctor, eventually the rather long object was removed. It was placed in a plastic baggy, and the patient was sent home (to fill his anus again). Once he was gone, the nurses and doctors took turns swatting at each other with the honorary ass-stick.

Is anyone else clenching right now?

As for today's answer, I have no bloody idea. I know one thing for sure though: The ass is meant as an exit, not an entrance.

Any ideas, What The Devil Is In Their Anus?

What The Devil Is In Their Anus?

I believe Wojo from Barney Miller once said that anything that has ever been in a Sears catalog eventually ends up in someone's ass. Actually, it might have been Fish that said that. It very well might not have been either one of them and could quite possibly be something I read on a shithouse door at a rest stop outside of East Gwillembury. Regardless, my point is this: we really need to cull the population.