The Lex Gladii

I am so upset, I nearly barfed. My adorable house cat, Mister Whiskers has fallen asleep in my lap. I have already finished my afternoon scotch, and the two ice cubes have melted into a puddle and I can no longer see the Titanic steaming towards them. My feet are shaking in my polished combat boots. My breakfast is uneaten, and I am forced to abandon it. Even prunes and porridge and bran does not tempt me, I am so angry.

Who is this racist Vinay Menon? He works for the Toronto Star, and that should be no excuse. Does not the Star only employ people who are squeaky clean progressives whose lack of ability and non-white skin gives them the special prerogative of telling taxpayers what to do?

It is bad enough that this Bushitler in dolphin’s clothing hates telemarketers. But where does he get off using verbage, in print no less, that would get me, a heteronormative white oppressor of all things non-white, non-gay/lesbian/transgendered/whatever-it-is-this-week, non-taxpayer, and non handout-sucking, a quick trip to the feminist man-haters in Human Resources for mandatory sensitivity training? I refer to his disgusting article in the Toronto Star * of this very day, where he has offended me so much that I am moved to Spontaneous Action! *

Now, I have surrendered my plantation to this political correctness movement. I have surrendered my treasure, blood, and toil. I am not allowed to speak like Vijay Melon, so Vijay better step up to the plate and issue a grovelling apology and take sensitivity classes. If not, then the social contract is broken. I am not allowed to allude to cultural differences, so neither are you Vijay. Your tongue needs to be cut out.

Action speaks louder than words, and Spontaneous Action! speaks loudest.

I, Fenris Badwulf wrote this.

xpd Mitchieville, DustMyBroom, Stormy Days of March