Horoscope for the week of September 1, 2008

The new moon in Virgo tells us that we can proceed with our summonings * . The astute alchemist will observe, however, that Jupiter is retrograde (in Capricorn!), along with the outer three planets of Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. I suggest that money operations will fail or bring about complications. What use is it to find a suitcase of money when there is a surly drug lord looking for his lost suitcase of money? So, restrict yourself in that area. Instead, this would be a great time for love spells, to summon a lover, or to draw one closer. Admittedly, Virgo has no great reputation for this, and this might stay your hand. But look closer ... the next full moon will be in gentle Pisces, where Venus is exalted. Indeed, this is the best time to cast your net and summon affection. This is redoubled with the positions of Mars and Venus ... both are in Libra, where Venus rules, and ruling Venus is chasing Mars, and Mars is frustrated, being in detriment. Just like real life, eh? There will be a Venus-Mars conjunction before the moon is full, and in the coupling of those two, you can channel their happiness into your summoning alchemy. As an experiment, conduct a summoning, and prove to yourself that this ancient stuff works.

Aries: A rising tempo of frustration builds through the week, which is more a case of lusts partially unsatisfied, rather than lack of satisfaction. If you look back, things are getting better, but when you sit still (an unnatural state for you), you are filled with wanting more. And you get more as the week goes on. You cannot be pushy enough.

Taurus: The contrast between last week and this week is astounding. Do not mourn over 'lost opportunities'; you are getting a lot more of the good stuff this week, and for a few more weeks after that, too. You need a new shirt, something that makes you eye candy. Taurus, ruled by Venus, makes good eye candy. Mmmmm.

Gemini: Mathematics is a science, not an art. Unfortunately for those who think 'art', they are going to have to cross your lines to get to their fairycake kingdom. Indeed, you will be challenged in your area of strength. Not so good for them. Take their scalp.

Cancer: Ah, sweet repose! The furious energies of others take leave of your sanctuary, leaving you with the dishes and a feast of left overs. Certainly, you are the winner. Expect to be the first to be entertained with gossip of secret passions, meetings in darkness, and stolen bottles of Love Potion number nine.

Leo: Like your neighbour, Cancer, you will have a peaceful, if fattening, week. Many high calorie temptations will ambush your attractive figure. On Tuesday, an older man, an authority figure, will channel your energies. The old ones love you, and want to make you their heir. Decide if you want to wear the crown of the Caesars.

Virgo: There will be much excitement next door. Do not these churls know that their loud music is annoying? Crash the party! A serious event will find resolution on Tuesday. Buy something sensible on Tuesday.

Libra: You have a secret admirer. This person burns for you. Their passion is frustrated, and in the outward signs of irritation, you will know who it is that burns for your love. Of course, Libra always has a partner; having a spare, a back-up, a replacement, is disturbing to the equilibrium, but it will magically help you lose two pounds.

Scorpio: What? More money? Your pockets are going to bulge, and ruin the cut of your newest suit. Think of it as payback for some slim times and some dirty jobs you had to do in the past. Attention of the universe is not on you, this week, so line ups at the bank will be short and convenient for you to cash all those cheques.

Sagittarius: This week will give you reasons to admire yourself. Others sell out for filthy lucre, indulge in common vice, or are just dullards. Alone, you stand for eternal principles. And this is the last week of all that. You should start to see the cracks in the towers this week. You will need new footwear, and get yourself a decent Hawaii themed shirt.

Capricorn: For those of you born around the third of January, this is going to be a week of Christmas. For the rest of you, well, it is going to be pretty good too. Uncork your libation wine and drink to the honor of Sol Invictis, who smiles upon all your mischief. Take fruit from a vegetable stall, you Artful Dodger.

Aquarius: You are in a state of 'mutual reception' with those Pisces with whom you co-exist. If you wake up inhabiting a different body than your own, it will be one of your Pisces chums. This will occur on Tuesday night, when Saturn (who usually disapproves of such things), is busy mentoring Leo. Memorize your pin numbers for your bank accounts if you want to have spending money.

Pisces: Someone will try to put a spell on you using food. Casting spells on Pisces is always dumb: there are two fish to catch, and only the most skilled adept would know how to work that into a spell. Someone is planning on buying you an expensive present.


I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.

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