Onward, Happy Workers! (05/16/08)

Friday is a special day for you, happy worker.

After these many weeks of Two Bran Muffin mornings, your fellow happy workers are filled with happiness, and a sense of purpose drives their primate maze exploration behaviour. Watch them smile as they step from task to task, filled with concentration, and an impending sense of relief and tranquility.

Many of you will receive Friday-only privilege tokens in your weekend food bag. If you are picking up and taking a weekend food bag for a sick friend or family member, you can help yourself to their Friday-only privilege tokens, and, of course, their chocolate and tobacco rations for the week. This is the Darwin-positive thing to do. It is Nature’s Way.

If you receive a blue privilege token with a canary yellow stripe, you may get drunk tonight on Victory Beer, stuff your paunch with Victory Pizza, and have your precious bodily fluids exchanged with a scented whore. Guzzle your two large pitchers of Unser Sauerstoff Beer, push greasy, trailing gobs of cheese into your unhinged jaws, and use your index finger like a cannon ramrod to slide a knuckle of bone down your slippery throat. While you gorge and grunt, slopping and scattering food stuffs, your personal love slave is performing fellatio upon you. That is what you get with this type of privilege token.

If you receive a blue privilege token with a mustard yellow strip, you may have an extra packet of Sweetener and a hundred calories of prunes.

If you receive a blue privilege token with a lemon yellow stripe, you may enjoy a delicious ethnic meal of shredded coconut topped with fermenting salmon and carrot coins, as served at your designated chow hall. Yummy.

Such is your day, today, Happy Worker.