Conrad Black, Mastermind of Crime

It is impossible to detail how horribly upset I am. My blood pressure is up, and sweat is beading on my once calm forehead. My hands are shaking like an employment equity surgeon ten-thumbing my way through The OHIP crib notes to Surgery for Dummies. My breakfast of choice, prunes with oat mush, has lost its regular appeal. Even Mister Whiskers, my cute house cat, has sensed my outrage and has retired to the cat cushion I keep beside the hot water radiator. He is curled up into a protective ball, flexing his tiny toes, with his eyes closed in concern.

Conrad Black is the single most dangerous criminal mastermind that has ever crash landed on the planet Earth. Conrad Black is a capitalist … he invests money, he creates wealth. Dollars are bad, and only when billions of them are redistributed from meanies like Conrad the Black, taken from them and handled and processed and administered and overseen by dedicated activists (our caring comrades!), and cents distributed to the photogenic downtrodden with their emotionally appealing stories of oppression.

Using the power of conjecture, it is easy to imagine the transition of Conrad the Black from what you imagined he was to what your worst nightmare could imagine him to be. What is your personal worst case scenario for this arch-fiend? It does not have to be a personal nightmare any more. You are not alone. Fenris Badwulf will help you to paint the rich colors of this portrait that will disturb your sleep, dribble hot wax on your sex drive, restrain the freedom of your fat guts like a latex fetish corset, and stoke the coal fired engine of your personal fears.

Rehabilitation is not on the agenda for Conrad. He contributes to a blog at the National Post * . Rehabilitation, not punishment, is the progressive way to transform criminals into high school graduate equivalents. Where is Conrad talking about the welding course he is taking? How about small engine repair, electronics, or under water welding? No. Nothing. Instead, Conrad is teaching a course in Canadian History * .

It does not take any logic or reason at all to expand ‘teaching a course in Canadian History’ to ‘creating and expanding a vast criminal prison gang’. The sudden downfall of both a New York State prosecutor and the mysterious fall from grace of Foreign Affairs minister Bernier could very well be the result of orders from some dark malevolent force, bent on revenge and re-conquest and greed. It is not hard to imagine who has time on his hands enough to do this. Stephen Harper is too busy re-creating the Middle Ages. Mike Harris is too busy gloating over his collection of Injun scalps and the shrunken heads of welfare parasites. And Preston Manning is too busy designing debtor’s prisons, work houses, and puff journalism that glorifies child labour in Uranium mining.

I can imagine this right now. Sitting on a prison bunk, surrounded by henchmen, ‘Mister Big’ is moving human lives around like chess pieces. Deciding who will live and who will wait to die. And Conrad Black is not even an emergency room nurse.

There is only one way to stop Conrad Black from becoming an all-powerful criminal mastermind, and that is to separate him from the prison environment where he is becoming crafty and well-connected. Toronto, the city of Light, celebrates a progressive ‘no arrests - no crime’ policy. Pretty well all of the gun toting criminals that roam the city, from public transit, the corridors of our schools, to the clubs of the entertainment district, have extensive past histories of violence, robbery, and gender based crimes. We let these people roam the streets of Toronto. We should let Conrad roam, too.

Free Conrad Black.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Xp Mitchieville, DustMyBroom, Stormy Days of March