8 Year Old Huffer Suspended From School

To most people, eight-year-old Eathan Harris looks like a regular, run-of-the-mill little boy. You couldn't be more wrong. Eathen is a malcontent. He's a huffer, a puffer, and a heaver...at least according to the Adams County School District in Colorado:

A Colorado school district is defending its decision to punish a third grader for sniffing a Sharpie marker.

Eight-year-old Eathan Harris was originally suspended from Harris Park Elementary School for three days.

Principal Chris Benisch reduced the suspension to one day after complaints from Harris' parents.

Harris used a black Sharpie marker to color a small area on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

A teacher sent him to the principal when she noticed him smelling the marker and his clothing.

Benisch stands by his decision to suspend Harris, saying it sends a clear message about substance abuse.

"This is really, really, seriously dangerous," Benisch said.

In his letter suspending the child, Benisch wrote that smelling the marker fumes could cause the boy to "become intoxicated."

A toxicologist with the Rocky Mountain Poison Control Center says that claim is nearly impossible.

I have to agree with the principal on this. Sharpies are basically a gateway marker that tends to lead to more dangerous classroom intoxicants. After a few weeks of being strung out on Sharpies, kids will invariably start experimenting with fountain pens. After the fountain pen can't give the kids the high they need, they will turn to glue sticks followed by licking the lead out of a #5 pencil.

From there, it is a downward spiral to hell.

If I had a nickel for every time I have been asked by a 5 year old to help them get off the evil highlighter, I'd be a rich man.

The principal in this case is a person of morals and integrity. He is an upstanding and outstanding human being that has his feet firmly rooted in reality. Unfortunately, public pressure by liberal weenies has made him back down a tad:

Despite the medical evidence, Benisch promised to draw an even clearer line on markers.

"We've purged every permanent marker there is in this building," he said.

Good. Sniffing markers is akin to sucking on the devil's dick.

You have done good today, Mr. Principal, you have done very good.

Mark me down for a hell ya!