Yahoo Personals Interpreted

It is time once again to interpret a real Yahoo personal ad. Through my incredible foresight and my amazing fivesight, I have taken a real life Yahoo ad and looked deep inside the soul of the person who placed it. Prepare to be amazed, prepare to be astonished, prepare to be overwhelmed, for tonight we dine in hell:

I'm Jenny. I'm a gentle,loyal,family oriented,soft,passionate,trustworthy lady.i'm easygoing and outgoing.I'm a lady full of fun,i seem to be seriously wanting to meet the man of my life.I love music,movies,outdoors,sight seeing and reading.I'm caring,understanding and honest.I am seeking a caring,understanding and honest man who must have a great sense of humor and must know how to treat a lady because somehow i loved to be pampered.I love kids,I love dancing(Its part of my life)I am all for cuddling and hugging and holding each other as much as possible. I love spontanious actions and suprises. I love to be hugged from behind when I'm cooking in the kitchen. I love to cook, love sports, take walks on the beach.

Now let's interpret this puppy, shall we?

Hi. I'm Jenny and I'm so much of a pain in the ass that after 5 minutes with me you'll want to pour acid in your eye socket. I love walking and jogging, running, movies, eating, reading, seeing and basically i never shut the hell up. i'm not into capitalizing words of any sort, this makes me feel young, childish even. basically i have the brain of an infant. look, i'm still not capitalizing! i love cuddling, i'm sure that's a major league turn on for men, cuz men love cuddling, right? yup, especially while football is on, i'll just come right up from behind you and start cuddling the life out of you and then i'll ask, "Sooooo, whatcha thinkin'?" i've never been in a relationship for more than 7 hours. i'm looking for a guy who has basically given up on life and has very few reasons to breathe. did i mention that i love dancing, cuz that's another thing guys really love to do--dance. uh huh, dancing and cuddling. great stuff. so, if you're looking for a woman with the brain of a toddler, someone who loves to suck the life right out of you, give me a ringy dingy hunny bunny and we can meet and possibly get married. toodles!

She sounds like quite a catch, any man would be lucky to have her.