The Mystery Of The Vanishing Cat

When neighbourhood cats in Bramley Crescent, London, started to go missing, neighbours started putting up leaflets and posting signs on street poles looking for their beloved felines. But after a few weeks of turning up nothing, a letter appeared on the doors of each person that was missing a cat. Included in the letter was an admission that the cats have been taken away 25 miles away and let loose. Then the catnapper goes on to say:

'If you were lucky enough to get your cat back ... the second time they get caught in my garden, THEY WILL BE DESTROYED.'

The catnapper complains that the caught cats were crapping in his garden, eating his plants and killing birds.

The owners of the cats are up in arms:

'Those cats were all I had and now they have gone missing - this person is sick. He doesn't know how much our cats mean to us.'

I'm not trying to be heartless, but if this person really loved her itty bitty *Morris* so much, she would keep the little bastard indoors where it belongs. It always slays me that cat owners think they have the market cornered when it comes to loving animals, yet idiots like this let their cat outdoors knowing that outdoor cats have a life expectancy rate slightly shorter than that of a dew worm on a hot sidewalk.

Cats are shitters, shrub eaters and bird killers...terrorists really. If you have a cat and it goes and eats someones Petunias and kills a few blue jays along the way, don't be surprised if your cat ends up being carted away in a Glad garbage bag.

You want your cat? Check Fenris' house.