My Cat has Fleas
It is a sad day in Mitchieville (soon to be rebranded Fenrisville).
Last night, in a triumph of the democratic spirit that animates everyone except heteronormative white males, a recount was held ... and I, Fenris Badwulf, servant of You, The People of Mitchieville (soon to be rebranded Fenrisville) was found to be the legitimate and proper Mayor of Mitchieville.
I sadly heard the news of the advance of the unprincipled hordes, the partisans of Lisa. What a big meanie. Even the most convincing liar could not convince me that she is a convincing collectivist. Secret files in my possession outline her lack of self-subjugation to colletivist opinion and feeling. Lisa is just not a 'big We' person.
As I stepped into my favorite secret escape tunnel, I felt a tear slide over my cheek. I was so upset that I forgot to disable the passive defence systems in Mitchieville town hall. I fear that all of Lisa's minions have been exposed to semi-lethal levels of radiation. Their skin is bubbling and peeling off in irregularly shaped scabs as we speak. So, after the Haz-Mat crews have finished shovelling and hosing the grisly goo and steaming guts of these misguided miscreants off the marble tile floors of town hall, let me share my agenda with you, my blueprint.
Fenris Badwulf's agenda for Mitchieville (soon to be renamed Fenrisville):
I, Fenris Badwulf, Mayor of Fenrisville (which used to called Mitchieville) wrote this.
Complaints? Call 1-900-COM_PLAIN
Last night, in a triumph of the democratic spirit that animates everyone except heteronormative white males, a recount was held ... and I, Fenris Badwulf, servant of You, The People of Mitchieville (soon to be rebranded Fenrisville) was found to be the legitimate and proper Mayor of Mitchieville.
I sadly heard the news of the advance of the unprincipled hordes, the partisans of Lisa. What a big meanie. Even the most convincing liar could not convince me that she is a convincing collectivist. Secret files in my possession outline her lack of self-subjugation to colletivist opinion and feeling. Lisa is just not a 'big We' person.
As I stepped into my favorite secret escape tunnel, I felt a tear slide over my cheek. I was so upset that I forgot to disable the passive defence systems in Mitchieville town hall. I fear that all of Lisa's minions have been exposed to semi-lethal levels of radiation. Their skin is bubbling and peeling off in irregularly shaped scabs as we speak. So, after the Haz-Mat crews have finished shovelling and hosing the grisly goo and steaming guts of these misguided miscreants off the marble tile floors of town hall, let me share my agenda with you, my blueprint.
Fenris Badwulf's agenda for Mitchieville (soon to be renamed Fenrisville):
1) Mitchieville will be renamed Fenrisville.
2) All portraits of the Mayor, the former Mayor of Mitchieville (soon to be renamed Fenrisville) will have a curly moustache, blackened teeth, and a black eye added for added artisic effect.
3) My new children's book, My Cat has Fleas, will be made mandatory material in all schools in the Mitchieville (soon to be renamed Fenrisville) school district.
4) All other changes as needed for self and state aggrandizement.
5) A week of games, with free food, whores, and whiskey will be celebrated, with the climax being an orgy during which the Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup in overtime over the Montreal Canadiens.
I, Fenris Badwulf, Mayor of Fenrisville (which used to called Mitchieville) wrote this.
Complaints? Call 1-900-COM_PLAIN
posted by Fenris Badwulf at 5:06 PM
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