The Mayor Reviews Movies

Tonight's movie reviews are brought to you by the Chinese mafia at the Pacific Mall in Markham, Ontario. 7 movies for $20, no tax, you can't touch that deal. And if you ever find yourself in a quandary, wondering if you should be buying pirated movies, just look at it this way: The police know the Chinese are selling pirated movies, the Chinese do it right out in the open. It is the job of the police to arrest people who are performing illegal activities. If pirated movies really were illegal, the cops would have shut down any one of the 30 or so open-booths long ago. But they don't. So the movies must be okay.

Cool, your conscience is clear, now go get yourself some very legal pirated movies.

Knocked Up--Starring Seth Rogan, Katherine Heigl and Paul Rudd. Rogan, the slob, meets Heigl in a bar one night and they get all liquored up, go back to her place and bang and buddy plants his demon seed in her vagina...the lucky fucker. Eight weeks later she's pregnant, she let's him know about it, they end up getting together and blah blah blah.
You know, this was a pretty decent movie. It was very funny, it moved along at a good pace, the acting was not too bad at all, it made my cock tingle with happiness. And when all is said and done, if my penis is happy, I'm happy. And if my penis is very happy, you should be very happy. For my penis.

Feast--This movie makes you believe it is going to be good because it has Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Wes Craven as Producers. Unfortunately, all they manage to do is rip off Quinton Tarantino's style and the plot from Dusk to Dawn.
I challenge you to make a guess 15 minutes into the movie who bites it and who will be the survivors.
Overall, it wasn't a terrible movie...I believe we got this one for a dollar in the bargain bin.

28 Weeks Later--Starring Jeremy whatever--it's the guy from The Full Monty. This is the sequel to 28 days. Believing that the virus is gone, officials start letting people back into England. Surprise, surprise, the virus isn't gone, shocking, I know. So, back to the drawing board. People get infected and the running away from zombies starts...and keeps going...and going...and going...I have to pee....and going.
A good fast paced movie, certainly worth a boo.


Cult--An ancient evil that is harvested in a necklace...yes, harvested in a necklace, once again returns and claims new victims. Pretty week plot that was matched by pretty week acting. We couldn't really understand this movie, I don't even want to explain it to you. It's best we just move on.

Mr Bean--It's typical Mr. Bean, very little dialogue, a few chuckles, and redundant Bean humour. How many times can you watch this guy make the same noise...Rrrrrrrrrr. I hate mimes, everyone knows that. Mr. Bean is pretty much a mime. I use to like this guy, a little. Now, I pity him.
The movie is watchable, it's a decent family movie as there is no swearing, after all, the guy doesn't ever talk, let alone swear. One thing I do guarantee though, by the end of the movie you'll want to punch him in the face and light him on fire.


See what I mean? He's kind of funny at first, then he gets annoying to the point where you want to dummy him and throw him to the fish. And how many times can you watch a guy make the same face over and over? I suppose you either like him or you don't. I guess I prefer the *on't* option.