Inside Mitchieville - July 29, 2007

This commuter car is used by the Mayor to get to his important meetings in Markham. It does not use gasoline, so it generates 275 dollars an hour in carbon credits. Every hour of operation is equivalent to planting 12 acres of swamp. The Mayor never complains about traffic on the 401 now.

This is the new sculpture in the Plaza of the People. It is a reproduction of one in Trafalgar Square, in London. We got rid of the chimpanzees ... tourists do not like having poo thrown at them, apparently, even if it is carbon neutral. Their replacements, a troop of Bonobo, amuse the tourists with public masturbation and minstrel show antics.

This Mitchieville School Board Teacher is attending a Professional Development workshop in conflict resolution. He is wearing the new Mitchieville Board of Education Earthfriend leisure suit. He is learning how to deploy the Friendmaker9000 body heat seeking device. The Friendmaker uses a 500 gram Obliterite charge for graffiti eradication.

This is Lynxia, my new personal assistant. She is a graduate of the Ph.D program in Womyn's Studies from the University of Toronto. I am training her, personally. She is bilingual, and is fluent in french. She has not found a place in Mitchieville yet, so she is shacking up with me. Although she is a hard worker (you will often find her tied to her desk), she does like to have fun. At my suggestion, for community service work, she is reading passages from The Fountainhead to the blind. This pleases me.

This is what the new temple of Set, Snake God, will look like once the old Mitchieville United Church is demolished. Actually, the church burned down at dawn on Easter, heaven knows why. The Temple of Set will have a Serpent friendly interior and a lavish selection of sculpture, mosaics, and tapestries, all paid for with Albertan taxpayers money.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this, a Mitchieville exclusive.