Toronto, The Bonobo Way

Activists know that African-Caribbean-Canadian culture can be easily fixed with just a few dollars more. It only takes a fistful of taxpayers dollars to set things right with the taxspenders. My latest band-aid solution comes from the pages of The New Yorker (*).

Yes, the gentle Bonobo, that bisexual primate is to be touted as a new social engineering model. We cannot experiment on taxpayers ... they might rebel and stop paying for social experiments. So, better to experiment upon than the Oppressed-Canadians of Toronto. It would create jobs for activists, and prepare these Most-Valuable-Canadians for employment. The economy will boom and the sun will shine. Casey will not strike out ... there will be joy in Mudville.

Currently, the Jane-Finch G-boi embrace many of the aspects of the Chimpanzee-Culture. And this was fine, until researchers discovered that the perfect chimpanzee is not perfect.

In 1974 ... Goodall witnessed the start of what she came to call the Four-Year War in Gombe. A chimpanzee population split into two, and, over time, one group wiped out the other, in gory episodes of territorial attack and cannibalism. Chimp aggression was already recognized by science, but chimp warfare was not. “I struggled to come to terms with this new knowledge,” Goodall later wrote. She would wake in the night, haunted by the memory of witnessing a female chimpanzee gorging on the flesh of an infant, “her mouth smeared with blood like some grotesque vampire from the legends of childhood.”

Poor Jane Goodall. She must have felt like the Global Cooling scientists of the 1980's when they realized that the doom facing earth was Global Warming. So, now our activists have to change gears. Now our social engineering model is the Bonobo, not the Chimpanzee.

So, how do we re-engineer the Jane-Finch G-boi out of their Chimpanzee-Culture, and replace it with the more politically correct Bonobo-Culture? The Oppressed-African-Caribbean-Canadians have some advantages, like a matriarchial culture that boasts an eighty percent illegitimacy rate, a near complete dependency on welfare (just like the Bonobos picking fruit from the trees), and they are cute to look at. Of course, the key difference between the G-boi and the Bonobo is violence ... and public masturbation, and bisexuality. The solution is simple: instead of sending the G-boi to prisons or concentration camps, is to send them to Bonobo acculturation centers. A large number of the under-employed bisexual sex workers in Toronto can be given activist jobs teaching our G-boi the Bonobo arts of love and understanding. When the G-boi can demonstrate in thought and word and deed that they are Bonobo-Canadians, then they can come back to Jane-Finch, or better yet, settle them in the rich, affluent areas of Toronto where the rich, affluent Bolsheviks live. Bolsheviks accept and understand G-boi: they deserve each other.

A study needs to be done. This requires taxpayers money. You feel guilty about slavery in Canada; you will feel less guilty when you send me your money. It is your responsibility to save the Gangbangers from responsibilty.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this at both Mitchieville and DustMyBroom.