Get Them *Crap in a Basket*

Crap in a Basket is a next-to-perfect gift to get someone you may or may not love. You can always get your loved/unloved one's booze, but don't you think you have contributed enough to your family/friends demise? Getting someone booze is equivalent to saying, "Here, get drunk, I could care less for you". Wow, those are pretty harsh words, perhaps you need to spend a little time with an *Anger Management consultant*.

You don't need to get you loved one's booze this holiday season, you need to get them Crap in a Basket. Don't get them pre-packaged Crap in a Basket, you're just wasting your money doing that, make them Crap in a Basket, it's kind of fun, I suppose, and it will save you a bundle. Here's how to do it.

Cheesy wicker baskets are available at any craft store, like Michaels, for instance. They cost a grand total of $1.49. Buy one. Now go get a metal tin of cookies, preferably shortbread, but cookies will do just fine. That'll set you back another $2.99. Now go to Wal-Mart, or the dollar store and find a tea pot, they're incredibly cheap, maybe $3 or so. Buy that bastard. Find two cups, they'll run a buck a piece at the dollar store, and the same at Zeller's or Wal-Mart.

You have the basis for a great, and expensive looking gift. The gift I'm describing cost $34.95, The Little Danish Girl and I saw it in Eaton's yesterday. Now you need to fill the basket up with a few coffees and teas. No problem. Most likely you have tea at home. Fill up the cups with the tea you have at home. That's a major step finished, you're doing very well. Now you'll need to go out and find some specialty coffees, like English Toffee or French /Vanilla, some shit like that. Go to your local cheap grocery store. You'll know when you get there because the carts will all be mangled and the patrons will smell like brown beans. Go get that specialty coffee, it's dirt cheap in there. Buy four of them, they cost .99 cents, tops.

Now you need some dark chocolate. You can't get a regular chocolate bar for the basket, you need something a little more classier. Putting a Snicker's in a high-class basket like this makes you look like a rube, buy a nice bar. The great thing is, chocolate is very cheap right now, every manufacturer has specials on because they not only want to get rid of a heavy Christmas stock, they want you to sample their product, this is an important time of year for them. So, at the Bulk Barn, wrapped dark chocolate is .50 cents each. Get two, one for each side of the Crap Basket.

Voila! You have just made your very own Crap in a Basket, and it looks freakin' great. How much did I spend making my very own Crap in a Basket? Hahaha, I would never give a gift like that, I have money coming out of my ears, this is for you, not me.

However, if you followed these instructions to a tee, you would have spent approx. $14. See, love does have a price, it's $14.

I know you think this is a great idea, and that's because this is a great idea. If you're on a fixed budget, I'm sure you just read this and a smile came across your beautiful face, and you got that funny feeling in your groinial area. That's okay, you don't need to tell me, I know it already.

I hope this helps.