More Christmas Gift Ideas

Today's gift giving idea is for men that are married or are in a dedicated relationship. Actually, screw you dedicated relationship types, this is for the married guys. By now you're probably getting a bit worried about what to get your wife for Christmas, you've been married more years than you have fingers and toes, and everything has been done to death. Right? Yes, you are right, I'm not going to argue the point, you're pretty much screwed.

You can't get your beau perfume again, she'll kill you if you did that. You see, the only time perfume is a good gift is if you actually take your loved one out. But you don't do that, do you? Of course you don't, you have dedicated your life to reading blogs and surfing disgusting nudie sites, and for that I applaud you. Freak. What you need to give your girlie this year is a gift that says, "Baby, I know I have sucked badly in the past, I know that my gift giving has been nothing short of pathetic these last few years, but honey, I love the hell out of you".

Here's what to do: Go to a dollar store and find a black frame, make it an 8 x 10. I've seen black frames there, and I'm not shitting you when I say that even though they only cost a buck, they look nice. Take said frame home and warm up the computer. I know you didn't write your own vows, no one does that, so Google up the phrase *Wedding Vows*. Take five minutes and look at a few wedding vows of men that have actually put some thought into their relationship with the person they'll be spending the rest of their life with, find the one that drips of gooey love, and print it off in a nice colour with a hot font.

Now find a picture of your wedding day. I'll give you a hint as to what they look like. It's the picture of the last time you wore a suit and were under 230 lbs. Most likely it's the last picture you have where your wife is smiling. Find a good picture, one that actually looks like you were in love, and adhere it to frames backing. Cut out the vows you have stolen and attach it above the picture, or below it, you'll have to decide the fine points, I can't hold your sweaty hand forever.

Now go find some pretty wrapping paper. How do you find pretty wrapping paper? Simple. Look for the paper that you really like and then don't choose it. Look for the paper that you really hate, that's the one your wife will like. Wrap that little bastard up and tie a bow around it. If you're having trouble with the bow, tie it like it's a shoelace. If you're having trouble with the wrapping and the bow, go to the mall and let the old hag at the gift-giving counter do it for you, it might cost $4, but what the hell, your wife is probably worth that much. Although that might be a coin toss, that's for you to decide.

I'm telling you right now, as God is my witness, if you give a gift like this on Christmas, by Boxing Day you will have had sex so much you'll think you're a Kennedy.
Your wife is going to be blown away, and that directly translates into you being blown away by your wife. If your wife isn't blown away and she dislikes the gift, then you, my friend, are in a loveless marriage. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. It may be time to start embezzling money from your joint savings account.

I know this helps, I have a good feeling about it.