Charlize Theron--Job Interview #5

Charlize Theron showed up for her 9am interview today at exactly 8:59, generally, that's not a good sign. If you are going to a job interview, it's wise to show up 10-15 minutes early, it shows that you're dedicated. Strike 1.

Charlize also showed up drinking a can of Pepsi. If that doesn't make your stomach turn, she also had a smoke hanging out of her gaw. That's strike two and three, but it's 9 in the morning, she's looking good, so what the hell, I slogged through the interview none-the-less.

I didn't waste any time though, I knew what I wanted to say, and I got right to the point. "Charlize, you seem to think that you're some sort of superstar Backgammon player. How about, you and I play 1 game? If you win, you get the job. However, if I win, my doctors get to give you a series of blood tests, and if everything turns out negative and you're not a diseased-filled STD dumpster, then I get to rub your back with 15 grit sandpaper before we make passionate love. How about it?"

"You're on"!

I won't even bother telling you how Charlize did in the game, you have to check out the perfect rolls I got. First I started out with double sixes. Then I roll a 3-1, followed by a 4-2. So my seventh, six, five and four spots are occupied.

Then I rolled a 5-3, so my 3 spot is taken. Then I roll 6-5, 6-5, double four and double fours again. Charlize is just staring blankly at the board, she's in amazement-land over this thrashing. Better starting rolls have never been seen. It was the perfect game.

Suffice to say, I brought in my outside men, stacked them in my zone, and peeled them off by two's. I double-skunked Charlize Theron, and the only thing I had to say to her was, "I own you".

Unfortunately, her tests came back positive, so I didn't get a chance to sand her like a rough 2x4, but I can imagine how our love-making marathon would have turned out. I would have been great, she would have been so-so, but very, very grateful.