Victory in the next Election

As socially responsible members of the community, it is on us to explore ways and means to bring the Liberal Party back into power. Now that my hangover has cleared, I have some policy suggestions that, I feel, will win us the votes we need. As Liberal Party Satrap for South East Toronto I can speak with some authority.

Welfare Reform

It is time to control the reckless spending and financial mismanagement in this area. And what better way than to extend parents benefits to both parents! Currently, only Baby Momma's get the two grand per kid as welfare supplement. I say, extend this to the fathers of our welfare children.

Advantages Studies show that over eighty percent of people who receive welfare vote Liberal. By extending benefits to a greater number, we increase our voting base. Also, this will reduce youth violence amoung our most vulnerable criminal segment ... the eighteen to twenty one year old fathers of bastard children. Now these misunderstood youth can get a cheque too. They will feel the loving embrace of a diversity celebrating party such as ours. They will not have to make a living selling crack, they can sit at home and eat donuts and watch CBC and feel outrage over the lynching of Louis Riel. Since the majority of welfare recipients are members of minorities, anyone who opposes this policy can be branded a racist.

Immigration Reform

Our racist opponents have tapped into the public uneasyness over our progressive and enlightened open borders immigration policy. It is time to clamp down on immigration and raise our standards. Canadian Citizenship is a glorious priviledge and not a cereal box toy. And what better way than to flood Quebec with fresh blood from Haiti and the Congo!

Advantages We already have the Toronto ridings in our pocket, pretty much. So, there is no need to send more Liberal voting immigrants there ... but what about Quebec? It is time to draw on the deep reserves of Liberal voters in Haiti and the Congo. We can appeal to the governments of those countries to send us their sick (we can easily look after them in our world class health care system) and their prison populations (obviously these people are criminal in name only ... it's all the fault of European colonialism, anyway). Studies show that recent immigrants vote overwhelmingly Liberal and we need to scoop more of those Quebec ridings. Let us turn Montreal into a Chocolate City - a Liberal voting Chocolate City! Anyone who opposes this idea can be branded a racist.


These are just two policy suggestions for your consideration. Let me know what you think.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.