With Friends like these, Who Needs Enemies?

Whenever the little Danish girl and I watch TV, and Friends comes on, she always says "Hey, wanna watch...", then she looks at the disgust on my face and quickly turns the channel. She's one smart girl.

Well, my baby-doll will be happy to know that the crappiest show ever in the history of television will be coming back to infuriate and annoy sensible people everywhere:

HOLLYWOOD - Seminal sitcom Friends is returning to television after each of its six stars agreed multi-million dollar deals to star in four one-hour specials.

In a secret meeting before Christmas, Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, David Schwimmer and Matthew Perry reportedly agreed a $5 million apiece deal with NBC bosses in Los Angeles.

"Bringing them back is a dream come true. Ratings will go through the roof."

And my puke will hopefully land in the bucket.

I'd rather tango barefoot on a floor full of mousetraps than watch that seriously unfunny show. I'd rather let a Haitian whore with a bloody nose give me a colonestomy, then subject myself to the torture that is Friends. I'd rather let Roseanne Barr do deep knee bends on my face, after she ran 3 miles in the burning hot sun, than view that debacle of a show.

I can't even call my real friends, Joe, Rachel, and Monica, by their real names anymore. Now I call them Tom, Julie, and Michelle.

The chances of God being in a really angry mood and wiping out the whole cast on the first day of filming is pretty slim, but I really believe in the power of prayer, so I'm going to give it a shot.

I'd rather sew my eyes shut with the string that's hanging off my underwear...well, you get the idea.