Environmentalists are Fun

Is Santa really a jolly fat man who tries to make children's lives happier by spreading his joy and love, or is he an evil heteronormative, hell-bent on the destruction of planet earth?

REINDEER-drawn sleds have been slammed as environmentally unfriendly, because the carrot-munching animals produce the greenhouse gas methane in their wind.

Now Santa has been urged to ditch his sleigh team and start travelling on public transport to cut down on greenhouse gas emissions.

It has been calculated that Santa's team of nine reindeer would emit methane with a global warming impact equivalent to more than 40,600 tonnes of greenhouse gases on the 122 million mile Christmas Eve dash to deliver presents around the world.

Boo Santa, Hurrah liberalism.

I have always suspected that Santa was nothing more than a demented head trying to poison mother earth with his destructive carrot eating reindeer death squads. Now I have proof. I couldn't sleep at night knowing that I'm supporting a tradition that isn't taking our environmental concerns to heart. Christmas is cancelled as far as I'm concerned, I won't be a party to it:

"Boys and girls up and down the country will be eagerly waiting for Father Christmas to arrive with their presents on Christmas morning. What they may not realise however is that Santa would be better off taking public transport."

Not only is Santa wrecking the world with his flying death squads, think of all the wrapping paper the earth rapist wastes every year, not to mention all the steroid-filled glasses of milk that he doesn't even drink.

Obviously, Santa is the disease and not the cure. I am going to make it my mission for the next year to warn all the boys and girls of this planet that Santa is a fraud and a waster, an enemy of mother-earth. So help me God, if I see him coming down my chimney next year, I'll beat him so bad that it will look like I smashed a tube-sock full of Ketchup over his face for twenty minutes.

Ho ho ho? I think not.

Santa is not the reason for the season