The Name Game

The results are in: The most bizarre celebrity child's name is Moon Unit:

LONDON (AFP) - Frank Zappa's daughter Moon Unit has topped a list of celebrity offspring with the most bizarre names, according to an online poll.

Another of the US singer-songwriter's four children -- Dweezil -- also makes the top 10 at number seven, but there are no mentions for the ground-breaking musician's two other children: Ahmed Emuukha Rodan and Diva Muffin.

There can only be two reasons why celebrities would give their children such outrageous names: they either think they are being unique, or they really, really, really hate children.

Before my first legitimate child was born, my ex-wife (#5) and I had one hell of a time picking out a name for him. She wanted to name our legitimate *Moe*, but I loved the name *Tastebud*. After a while she decided that she liked the name *Spit-valve* for a boy, but then I thought the name *Fuckface* would be better. Finally, after much fighting and arguing, we came up with the name *Joshua*.

My only advice when it comes to naming a child, is try not to make the name sound too unique. If you're just randomly selecting letters and throwing them together, your child is going to end up murdering you in your sleep one day. If you name your child *Apple*, or *Zowie*, you can be assured that one day you will wake up with blood dripping down your stupid back.

As I told my friend *Que-tip* the other day, you had to kill your parents, you were only doing God's work.