I feel somewhat drained today, yet very happy

How was your weekend? Really? That's great, I'm glad. How are the kids? Really? That's great. What about that thing you found growing on your, well, you know what? Really? That's too bad. I don't want to embarrass you, but you might want to think about having it lanced.

I had a great weekend, if I felt any better today I'd get rid of my Health Card. I'd tell you all about my weekend, but it was so good, that if I told you, you'd become very envious of me, and I couldn't stand having you feel bitter towards me.

Let's just put it this way: Even though my weekend didn't involve three midgets, a step-ladder, and a large rope, it was still a smokin' hot-fantastic-super-fun-time-great weekend. You can fill in the blanks from there, you're pretty smart, I've seen all of your report cards. AND, you impress me.

I'll give you one hint as to what happened to me on the weekend: Let's put it this way, this morning, I haven't touched myself yet (wink wink). You'd like another hint? Sure, you've been good. Okay, if I had an appointment to donate sperm at the local sperm clinic today, I'd have to tell them that I can't make it in until Thursday. Now do you get it? No? Man, I take it back, you're all kind of dumb.

Last hint: The name of the person swimming on this page is the name I heard over and over and over through the course of the weekend. I also heard his fathers name being screamed out over and over and over. Of course, the words "OHHH" and "OHHHH MY" preceded the names that I heard over and over and over the whole weekend.

Enough fooling around, you know where I'm going with this. I shouldn't have to give you hints as to what I did all weekend, we're all adults here. Now I feel ashamed.

Fine, one last hint. It rhymes with *rexual mintercourse*.