Love, Exciting and New

Lisa Ronis, a New York City matchmaker who specializes in introducing upscale singles to each other, gives some one-liners that she thinks women should use when they're trying to bag a man at a club. Then she also gives some advice of how to find that special someone/something that you've been searching for.

I've taken the liberty to give a response to each pick-up line a man might potentially say to the woman that approaches him with Lisa's suggestive lines:

"Takes forever to get a glass of wine around here."

"Not if you're pretty it doesn't"

"Wow, somebody smells so good."

"Yes, it's amazing how good 10 beers and a few beefy burrito's smell after fermenting in my bowels for three hours"

"You live around here?"

"Yes, are you familiar with that giant dumpster at 45th and Main St?"

"So what do you do?"

"Usually *I do* women that don't wear so much make-up, are you auditioning for the role of a clown in children's theatre?"

Lisa then suggests 5 things to do if you want to find true love. The first one is to always look good, the second one is feel good about yourself, and the third one is:

If it's been a while since you worked a room, practice first. Go flirt with the pharmacist.

If you're going to flirt with someone, I don't suggest flirting with the person who dispenses your drugs.

It's just not wise to be a tease to the person that has the ability to change your birth control pills into placebo's.

All in all, I'd say that Lisa is pretty much full of shit.

If you want to impress a man, try buying him a drink. That's the second quickest way to his heart. If I have to tell you what quickest way to his heart is, then you might not want to start off at the bars, you should just stay at home and bake bread.

Compliment the man you want, tell him all sorts of outrageous lies. Men love to be lied to, we're suckers for women that lie to us. If you're with a little weasel of a guy, tell him how strong he is, what broad shoulders he has, tell him he reminds you of a Roman soldier.

If you take the man home and have sex with him, when he starts making love to you, act like you're uncomfortable. When he asks you what's wrong, tell him that you're not use to being with a man who is so huge. Tell him you won't be able to walk properly for 7 months now.

In the morning, make the guy breakfast. Don't cheap out on the bacon either. No man wants to be with a woman who only serves him 5-6 slices of bacon. Make him 20 strips of bacon and 4 eggs. And make him home-fries, don't serve him tater-tots, for if you do, you'll never see him again.

It's easy to pick up guys, you just have to follow my rules of dating. If you follow Lisa's rules you'll end up being the woman on the street that owns 25 cats and yells at garbage cans. If you follow my rules, there won't be a Friday or Saturday night that you'll ever spend alone.

The Rules of Dating