Big Breasted women are Smarter

Seriously, it's not a typo, it's a fact:

"Although I hate to admit it, we found that women with big busts average 10 IQ points higher than less well-endowed women," reveals lead researcher Dr. Yvonne Rossdale, herself a meager 32A.

Dr. Rossdale measured the busts of women in Illinois, Kansas and Ohio and then divided them into five categories: Extra-small, Small, Medium, Large and Extra-large. These categories roughly corresponded to commercially available bra sizes, A, B,C, D and DD or above.

She then gave subjects in each category a standard IQ test and found that women in the Large and Extra-large category scored an average of 10 points higher than women in the Small and Extra-small categories. Medium-sized ladies had a three- to four-point edge over the flat-chested group.

This should make every guy that has to hire a woman for a job, very, very happy. "I'm sorry, Shirley, your tits just aren't big enough, please leave now, dumb-ass".

If you have small breasts, you shouldn't be offended by this article, they're not saying that you're dumb, they're just saying that you're a tad bit slower than your large breasted counterparts. Then again, if you have small breasts you probably can't even read this article to begin with, so whatever.

Why is it that large breasted women are smarter?

One theory is that the female hormone estrogen, which is responsible for breast development and is also believed to give women extra protection from heart disease, may also play a role in intelligence," Dr. Rossdale says.

Three cheers for the female hormone estrogen! If I was a woman, I'd pour estrogen all over my Sugar Crisps in the morning.

Some women might think that they don't have a chance at securing a job because they have small or smaller breasts. That is simply not true. You can still be a functioning humanoid despite your disability. Here's what you need to do:

Send Fenris and I pictures of your breasts and we will determine which job would be most suitable for you. Even if you have really big jugs, we can still help you out. There are plenty of positions for women of all breast shapes and sizes here in Mitchieville, let us tailor your breast size to the appropriate position. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of a position for you right now. You'd really like the position I'm thinking of, I'm confident of that.

Fenris and I are doing this as a public service. We love you and your little breasts. We care about you! Now how about a hug?

Women with big breasts are smart, and soft.